Yoga and Spiritual Growth

Dog is Love: A Tribute to Mattie

This week our beautiful family dog, Mathilda, a German Shepherd, died rather suddenly while we were on vacation. When I say rather suddenly what I mean is, Mattie, as we called her, was almost 13 years young, which as you probably know is rather elderly for a German Shepherd and she’d had a few near brushes with death over the past several years but that old girl just kept on coming back to us, despite our vet’s gentle suggestions that "this may be it for Mattie". We got Mattie from one of those breeding farms and this particular one bred German shepherds from long lines of royal bloodlines of German Shepherds. This was important to my husband who wanted a pure bred, a man’s dog that would help protect the family. His dog had to be on the larger side, a male, have a good personality, nice pedigree and a deep menacing bark. I remember the day my husband, son Bobby, then 9, and I loaded into the truck to head out to the Misty Ridge German Shepherd Farm. We were excited because we were on a mission to surprise Caroline who was turning 13 that week and had been promised a new puppy of her own. Several previous trips had been made by Caroline and my husband to look at the puppies and play with them so we had it narrowed down. We knew this day we would choose the dog that would be the new member of our family, joining our 14 year old golden retriever BoBo whose health had been steadily declining for a couple of years prior. But when we arrived that day at Misty Ridge, there was no choosing. Mattie chose us. We quickly bonded with her, over several other, larger more strapping dogs. She was sweet, playful and so loving. Funny thing was my husband fell for her without even realizing she was a female. She met most of his stringent requirements so home she came with us to surprise Caroline. I think Caroline had been at a friend’s house who was probably in on our little surprise, and when she came home to her new puppy, you would have thought we had just given her the world on a silver platter. She loved Mattie immediately and we set out to give her a proper name, commensurate with her regal bloodline. We decided on Mathilda because we thought “it sounds kind a German” and we would call her Mattie for short. Mattie and Bobo were not instant friends. Bobo was the clear pack leader although previously he had been the submissive one, letting his brother Laddie who had died a few years back take charge. But no way Bobo was going to let this new little upstart take over his throne and he would bark and growl when Mattie wanted to play. It took some adjustment but eventually they became pals. Well Bo tolerated her puppy self anyways. As expected, the novelty of a new pet quickly wore off and the bulk of the training was left to my husband and somewhat to me. He had always been the one to discipline and work with our dogs and he has done a really great job with them. Laddie, our first had been a Frisbee catching champ, coming in fifth one year in the local Ashley Whippet Invitational. The next year, however Laddie did not fare quite as well as he decided he needed to do number two in the middle of the field and was quickly disqualified. But you get the idea. We had big dreams even for our dogs. And Mattie was no exception. Only problem was, when he tried to discipline her, she would cower. She really just wanted to please him and when she didn’t she took it very personally. and so he had to deal with both a sensitive and submissive dog. Not easy for a former Special Forces ranger slash wrestling coach. Mattie had those cute floppy ears that German Shepherds have when they’re little but then quickly grow out of, as they become the “fierce protectors” for which the breed is known. I put the term “fierce protector” in quotes because Mattie had a thing for most of her life where she would bark when a visitor came to the door but then when she would greet them, it was most often with a stream of urine on their foot, as she struggled with submissive urination. Every time a new person would come to the house and Mattie met them at the door, it would be to shouts of “Don’t say hi to Mattie. Don’t say hi to Mattie." Most often however the shouts would only make Mattie crouch and pee even sooner. Mattie was smart though and quickly learned that if she followed some rules, she was rewarded with treats. But the best thing she learned was to get the paper from our then almost quarter mile long driveway. Every day it was her job to travel to the bottom of the driveway to retrieve the paper for Rob who would be waiting with a treat. She loved having this job and would often try to squeeze two treats out of him if she could find an old paper to bring to him later, thinking he might not notice it was an already delivered one. She was smart. One day we were all at the school bus stop and Mattie who had already completed her morning ritual spied a paper in our neighbor’s yard. Now, we got the Baltimore Sun paper but this particular neighbor got the Washington Post, so that morning Rob got some variety in his newspaper reading. I think we returned the paper to the neighbor eventually but not without Mattie getting her second treat of the morning for a job well done. BoBo had a strong heart but that was about the only thing that was working by the time he died at 16. He had been slowly losing his eyesight and hearing but could still take off and walk to the neighboring farm to visit the 18 year old white lab who was also deaf and probably blind too. The dog’s owner was an older lady whose husband was homebound with diabetes and she always welcomed Bo into her home, let the two apparent soul mates visit for a bit, and then give us a call to tell us that Bo was ready to be picked up. I always felt like Bo knew she needed some love and so would get me over there to spend some time with her while I was retrieving our retriever. Bo died at 16 and we buried him in the yard while Mattie lay nearby with her head in her paws. Years prior, when Laddie died suddenly probably of a heart attack, I remember BoBo assuming the very same position as Rob and Bobby solemnly dug the grave for Laddie. We didn’t have a service or anything for Bo but there was something comforting about having him there in the yard and I think Mattie felt it too. After Bo passed, I would hear his footsteps in the house and every once in a while I thought I heard his familiar plop and sigh next to my side of the bed as he lay down for the night. When the kids grew older and started leaving for college, it was hard on Mattie. Whenever Caroline came home from college, Mattie would cry and pee and cry and pee at every happy reunion. Bobby was busy with school and wrestling but he got a little closer to Mattie after Caroline went to college. But one day Bobby decided it was time he had a dog of his own. What? You are almost eighteen and realistically who is going to take care of this dog? Um me? No way. A month or so later we got Wilson (named after the volleyball in the movie Castaway). As Caroline says, Wilson is stupid cute. And he is. He is a mixed breed of King Charles Cavalier and just enough poodle to make him cunning and deviously brilliant. We all fell in love with Wilson, except maybe Mattie, at first. It took a while for Mattie to grow into her role of mentor and second Mommy for Wilson. He was just a royal pain in her arthritic haunches and she tried to keep her distance, but Wilson would just not hear of it. He wormed his way into her heart just like he had ours and before long, they were the best of buddies. Well, maybe not the best but certainly Wilson thought so. He would try to cuddle up to Mattie and, more times than not, she would get up and move, leaving Wilson to lay there with his cute little head on his paws looking all forlorn and dejected. Wilson was good for Mattie though. Before Wilson came to us, Mattie had started to gray and slow down. Now she had a purpose to keep this young thing in line and she took that job seriously. Wilson used to bark at me when I tried to sweep the garage and he would nip at the broom. This annoyed me and Mattie knew it so she would take charge and chase Wilson around the garage until he was forced to leave me to my work. They also would play at the strangest times, often in my bedroom. Wilson would take off, circling the room until Mattie would chase after her barking. Wilson would bound over the bed knowing Mattie was way too old and arthritic to follow him up there and he would get Mattie riled up. They would just have the most fun playing tag or keepaway or whatever they called in in their doggy minds. It was cute and annoying at the same time. My kids often said I didn’t like the dogs because I complained about the dog hair and having to take care of them when they were off doing their things. But it wasn’t true. Sometimes those dogs and I would take off on a hike by us and they were great companions. Eventually Mattie couldn’t go along on any long walks and Wilson and I would go alone. Its bad enough when you have Mommy guilt over your kids, but when it’s over leaving a dog home, something’s just got to give. Bobby couldn’t take Wilson with him to college his first two years but when he transferred to Kansas to be closer to his girlfriend Mackenzie, no question, Wilson was going with him. I had trepidation about this because I frankly questioned Bobby’s ability to take care of himself, let alone a dog; my Wilson. But I was wrong. Wilson gave him responsibility and probably helped him grow up a bit. But then Mattie was left alone again without her young friend. We decided we would dip our toes in the water and try to sell our house and downsize a bit as Caroline was living in New York and Bobby was off at college and when it sold in two weeks we were shocked. We decided on a new house in a cool, hip new neighborhood with very little yard to take care of. The move was hard on Mattie and she developed some weird symptoms as she watched us packing and readying ourselves for the move. She had started to pick at her tail and she did so until blood would gush from it and splatter everywhere when she wagged it. We tried the conehead thing (the cone of shame), but she would keep taking it off managing to get to her tail and chew on it even more. Finally we had to have her tail removed before infection set in. After her surgery, Wilson, who was back home at the time, lay next to a still sedated Mattie savoring the one time Mattie would allow him to cuddle, and probably giving her some much needed comfort as well. Mattie had some other strange things going on health-wise. One day she woke up and we noticed she was walking sideways. She would canter down to the bottom of the driveway - literally sideways - but not wanting to let us down, she would return dutifully with the paper. When we took her to the vet for this we were certain he would say she had had a mild stroke but no, he quietly and soberly told a distressed Caroline that this was probably Mattie’s time and that we should prepare for end. Caroline would not hear of this and so we took Mattie home and prayed over her and did Reiki We had healed her and that was that. Screw that Vet. When we moved to the new house it was an adjustment, but my husband and I looked forward to not spending a college tuition payment on bark mulch and real estate taxes. And being closer to restaurants and, well, civilization. At first it was amazing and liberating until we realized that we had to walk Mattie and pick up her poop or our neighbors would come after us. I think Mattie actually liked the attention and she seemed to once again get a little younger as she was spending time with her people and not outside in a yard, sometimes alone. Again, the kids would tell me I was a bitch because I didn’t like the dog hair on the dark wood floors which reappeared seconds after cleaning them. But again, who was the one who let Wilson curl up on her lap when Bobby was working or out with friends and who talked to Mattie like she was a person all day when Caroline was off cavorting on Broadway. It was me and I loved those dogs as any self-proclaimed dog lover does. So, the deal was, with this new house, we were going to be able to pick up and travel more. That’s what empty nesters do right? And so we were, traveling to see Caroline in shows, traveling to fun places to do fun stuff. So this last time we left Mattie at the Country Club for Dogs – sounds like a nice place right? And it is. She had stayed there before. They feed those dogs food like they are humans, and they always come home all buffed and puffed. Sadly though this time Mattie took a turn for the worse and the poor fellow who worked at the doggie country club had to rush Mattie to the animal hospital when she passed out and was unresponsive. He had a hard time calling us, we could tell. I was grateful I have a dog lover brother who rushed over to be with Mattie in her last moments giving her the comfort we weren’t there to provide. My brother John has rescued several dogs and has such a heart for them, Mattie was lucky to have John there when she transitioned. It’s never the right time to say goodbye to a beloved pet. They are family members. They love us so unconditionally and perfectly, they remind us how we should love one another. I have learned so much from my dogs. They don’t worry or obsess. They get their work done, play hard and then rest when they need it. They are completely in the moment at all times and thoroughly present for whomever will pay attention to them. They are love personified – or doggified. Its no coincidence that dog is God spelled backwards.

Body, mind and spirits? Healthy Happy Hour on the Road in Scottsdale, AZ

The Nextnik

This is the story of Larry (I play his girlfriend) who is fired suddenly and has to do some serious reevaluating of his life. If only he had listened to that still small voice perhaps he would have seen it coming and avoided some of the drama, but whatever. As long as we eventually "get it" it really doesn't matter. Mike Kravinsky, the creator of this fun web series, has gone through a similar life transition and is recreating himself. I'm a fan. Of course, the fact that he cast me in his series make no difference. :)

Happy 2012 Y'all!

Caroline's on Broadway!

Just "happened" to be there at the very moment she got the call for her first Broadway gig. What a blessing. So many things had to line up for me to be there and get her on camera. Awesome!

'Til you Find Your Dream

Ever since I was a little girl I have been fascinated with people, especially women, who had found their purpose in life. Remember that scene from “The Sound of Music” where the Reverend Mother tells Maria that she must go back to find how God would have her “spend her love”?

Ahhhhh! I just loved that. She did of course, and we all know how that worked out for her. She married the Captain, spared the family the terrors of the oncoming war by escaping on foot across the Alps to Switzerland, and then brought the whole clan to America where they were to begin their new lives.

How did she know? Well, I am sure being a nun didn’t hurt. She already had that connection to God thing going.
Being young and all, she didn’t really trust her inner guidance at first, but then she had the Reverend Mother to set her straight and get her going on the right path.

I believe we all have a purpose for our lives. For some of us, there may be a few of them. To find it we must do some serious listening, to our hearts, our souls, our inner guidance. Some of us find it early in life, some later. The important thing is to hone in on what makes our heart sing.
It’s that particular thing that, left undone, makes us antsy, uncomfortable, incomplete. There will always be signposts along the way to the discovery of our purpose, that, when acknowledged, will lead us closer to finding “it”.

And, if we don’t listen to that voice and move closer toward our reason for being here, our lives can be turned upside down in a skinny minute. But when we get back on the path, things will start to happen to lead us right back in the direction we need to head. Take, for example, the homeless man, Ted Williams, who obviously has the gift of a beautiful voice to share with the world. Homeless and destitute, addicted to drugs and alcohol, his purpose was buried for a while and he lost almost everything that was important to him in life. When he was finally able to get clean, he was given another chance to share his gift with the world. While panhandling on the streets, a producer video-taped Ted saying a few lines from his days in radio and his whole life was changed in that moment. He received offers for work as a voice talent from everywhere. Now it’s up to him to use his gift and live his purpose.

For most of us, things don’t have to get that dramatic. We can simply steer ourselves in the direction of our purpose by using our internal GPS. Even if we don’t get loud and repetitive verbal directional signals telling us to turn right or make a U turn, we can be assured that we will always be moving toward our purpose when we feel that sense of peace that comes from the sweet spot of being right in the right place, with the right people, at just the right time. Although it may have frightened her, Maria moved in the direction of her purpose and created a life for herself and her family, the impact of which has inspired so many of us.
So, (MUSIC UNDER) go out there and climb every doggone mountain and follow every rainbow ‘til you find YOUR dream!

Columbia mall flash mob 12/22/10

Imagine if all nations came together to create a multinational song and dance performance. Flashmobs are showing up all over the globe and leaving joy and unity in their wake. I think this may just be the key to peace on earth. It is the power of the arts to entertain, heal and enlighten.
I participated in this flashmob last night and what fun! You can't help but smile when you watch.
Merry Christmas!

Goddess Energy

Are you a Goddess? If you are a woman, I certainly hope so. The world needs all women to rise to there most complete Goddess potential NOW! We have reached a crossroads in our culture where women of all ages and races need to come together, embrace their divinity and lead the planet to it's next evolutionary plateau. The amazing and totally cool Sierra bender describes a Goddess for us here...

http://www.bootcampforgoddesses.com/goddesscorenet/what_is_goddess.pdf

If you want to be connected in a more profound way to your own Goddess energy, check out Sierra's work. Here's a photo of my interview with Sierra coming soon to a TV near you!

Vortex Energy

On a recent trip to Arizona I hiked Boynton Canyon, one of the most powerful of the Sedona vortexes. Sitting up on the red rocks surrounded by the womb-like shape of the canyon, I couldn't help but feel the energy, the peace and the power. While some doubt the existence of the so-called vortexes, I challenge anyone to not be moved by the beauty of the red rocks in Sedona. For me, it is always renewing and amazing to enter these areas. The native americans knew the sacredness of these sites and revered them for their healing properties. I am grateful that we are still able to enjoy their beauty and splendor.

Creative Energy

For many years now I have been working on a template for a tv show about spirituality and now that I am officially an empty nester and have much more free time, I am ready to get going with the production of the show. Here is my first draft, if you will, just a sample of what the show will be. Would love any comments or suggestions, ideas for what you would like to see on the show.

AN OPEN APOLOGY TO MY BREASTS...

This morning, as I lay in bed waiting for the alarm to ring, I could have sworn I heard my breasts talking to each other. I know it sounds crazy, but they were having this conversation They talked back and forth, like I wasn’t even there. It went something like this:

Right breast: So how’re you doin’ over there?

Left Breast: OK, I guess, just hanging out.

Right Breast: Oh come on, it’s me, remember? You can talk to me.

Left Breast: Alright, I just have not been myself. I feel like SHE doesn’t care about us any more. I mean, what was that last procedure? We’ve talked before about the squeezy thing – that mammogram SHE is making us go through every six months now. What is SHE thinking? Does she know we’re not as young as we used to be and flattening us like a pancake in all directions between two panes of glass is not exactly a beauty treatment, you know! But this last thing…the biopsy – you didn’t have to go through it – it was horrible!

Right Breast: I am soooooo sorry. Why don’t you try and get it off your chest.

Left Breast: (Choking back tears) You know. You were there. They put us on this table where I had to hang through a hole and they mashed me, then drilled me with a long needle that made a terrible noise. I couldn’t move. I was terrified.

SHE must have been awfully scared but SHE never said a thing. Until it was all over. Then SHE cried. SHE held an ice pack over me and just sobbed. It was so sad.

Right Breast: You know I am here for you. Even if SHE isn’t.

Left Breast: Thank you. I just hope you never have to go through what I did.

Right Breast: Remember at our last girls’ night out when Shelly’s breasts were telling us about HER last doctor’s visit. Apparently they’ve had four biopsies between them and are going for a fifth. And, they have titanium chips in them now to mark where the biopsies have been done. What’s up with that?

Left Breast: Yeah, something about calcifications. Don’t THEY know we all have them. It’s just a normal part of the aging process?

Right Breast: What is SHE thinking? Sometimes I think SHE really doesn't appreciate us. Remember when we were first growing and our nipples were budding? We were so proud, but SHE seemed kind of ashamed and covered us up with that training bra. What was that all about?

Left Breast: Yeah, and when the babies came, we produced girl, didn’t we?

Right Breast: You can say that again sister! I think we made more milk than most of HER friends. Those were some healthy, well-fed babies.

Left Breast: And I haven’t heard any complaints from HIM!

Right Breast: I know, right! He loooovvvves us. Probably pays more attention to us than SHE does.

Right Breast: SHE does seem a little detached. Do you think we can do something, you know,to get HER attention. Wake HER up….

Left Breast: I am closest to HER heart. Maybe there is something we can do to get her to sit up and listen… before it’s too late.

So, what’s a girl to when her breasts are talking about her behind her back?

Something’s gotta give. How can we continue much longer putting “the Girls” through such torture when they have been so good to us all these years? I am not a doctor. I am just a woman who has fallen prey to a medical system that seems to value avoiding law suits more than caring for the very things that have the power to make knees go weak, nourish and sustain life and lovingly protect the female heart. When I leave the radiologists’s office all I get is a foreboding warning to be back in six months for more of the same pathetic, demoralizing treatment that is supposed to spare me death from the dreaded “C” word. Not once do they tell me what to do to actually take care of my breasts in the meantime. All I am left with is the sickening fear that so many other women have felt before me as they wait for the next mammogram/ultrasound/biopsy round that will let them breathe a temporary sigh of relief until the next one rolls around. I know I am supposed to be grateful, but, forgive me, if I expect just a little better from the medical system in the greatest country in the world.

Technology is wonderful and, no doubt, saves lives, but our current paradigm of treating all women's breasts as though they are either pre-malignant or malignant is no way to run a health care system. The fear alone that it instills is enough to make even the most healthy immune system a little shaky on its feet.

We need a better way. We need to really take a hard look at our system, our testing procedures and diagnostic tools. We need to train our medical professionals to see the benefits of preventive care for their patients over lawsuit prevention for themselves. And we need to treat our “Girls” with the respect they so deserve, at every age.

I offer an open apology to my breasts and ask their forgiveness for my temporary insanity as I bought into the consciousness of fear that is so pervasive in our culture. I promise to do my best to find the medical and complimentary health care professionals that can best nurture and ensure the health of my “Girls”, just as they have done for me all of these years! After all, I really do want to keep YOU around. I’m kind of attached to YOU!

Here's a link to some info about the mammogram controversy and how we really need something better and SOON!!!!!

https://www.nwhn.org/mammography-news-you-heard-it-here-first-…-and-it’s-still-outrage