According to Rabbi David Zazlow: …the Hebrew word shalom does not mean “peace,” at least not in the English sense of the word. It comes from a Hebrew root word that means “wholeness.” And what is wholeness? In the Hebraic way of thinking, wholeness is the joining together of opposites. That’s why we say “shalom” when we greet friends and when we wish them farewell. In the most opposite of situations (coming and going) we use the same word, “shalom.” There is a hidden connection to all our comings and goings; they are wondrously linked together. When I come from somewhere, I am going to someplace else. When I realize this, I feel “wholeness,” and that is the source of peace – the knowledge that all my opposing energies are somehow linked and part of a single whole. True peace must have wholeness as its foundation.
If peace, shalom, is your intention then what steps are you willing to take to ensure that it will be present in your life, especially during the challenging times? (Especially as family gathers around a table where opposite views might be present.) If wholeness is our intention, then let’s make this a little easier. Let’s start at the very beginning as Maria von Trapp (nee Kutschera) would have said (or sung). It is a very good place to start.
1. We cannot bring peace to the table if we are not internally peaceful. Wholeness can be described as a state of balance in mind, body and spirit. What is causing internal disconnect? Is it physical, emotional, spiritual? Take a moment to be still enough to get curious about what might be off and then take action to bring yourself back to balance in whatever way seems appropriate. Maybe a run or a yoga class is in order. Perhaps some self care would help you reconnect to your true self. Maybe a talk with a trusted friend, clergy or professional would be helpful. A simple practice of deep breathing for five minutes can do wonders. Deep down, you know what it is you need. Take the steps necessary to head back in the direction of balance.
2. Take a few moments to pause and direct your attention to each person you will be with this holiday. What is the state of your relationship with them? What is the history of that relationship? Are there wounds that could be healed through forgiveness or asking for forgiveness and perhaps making amends in some way? Be radically honest with yourself. Peace requires this of you. Where can you move your relationships to wholeness and how are you willing to do this?
3. Bring your awareness to your heart. Bring your hands and place them over your heart. Breathe deeply. Now, and this requires courage, who comes to mind when you make this gesture? Is there someone who will be missing from your table this year? Grief and loss are often just under the surface and oftentimes can be the reason for extra sensitivity around the holidays. Take time to grieve for those you are missing. Bring them to the table. Talk about them. Recall happy memories and share them. Listen deeply as others share from their hearts.
4. The first three steps have been mostly all about us. Now that we are centered and more whole we can take the focus off of ourselves and connect with our empathy and compassion. Has Uncle Fred been having trouble getting to AA meetings lately? How are cousin Kate’s chemo treatments going? Will your nephew whose wife recently left bring his unruly toddler this year and allow him to disrupt the festivities? We’re veering off course here. Come back. Perhaps we could bring a children’s book for the little guy (I know a couple of good ones that have awesome Youtube videos to go with them). Taking the time to engender compassion for people is a brilliant wholeness practice. It will change things, trust me on this.
5. When we join together this week to express gratitude for our many blessings we are contributing to our communal wholeness. Gratitude is high level peacemaking. For what and for whom are you grateful? Make a list. Keep adding to it. Start small and move to the bigger things. Gratitude is healing. Gratitude is prayer.
Peace begins with us. Whether you quote the Buddha, Emerson or St. Francis, they all say the same thing in their own way. If we truly want peace, shalom, wholeness, we must do the work. But it’s good, wholesome, worthwhile work.
Peace, Shalom, to you at holiday times and always.
Connie
