How's Your Spirit?

It seems we're at war. 

During my hospital chaplaincy training, one of our instructors shared that when she entered a patient's room, she would often ask, "How's your spirit?" It was an open-ended enough question to get a conversation going.

So I ask you, "How's your spirit?"

There is a story of a three-year-old girl, the firstborn and only child in her family. Her mother became pregnant again, and the little girl was super excited about having a new brother or sister. The family welcomed a healthy, sweet baby boy, and after only a few hours at home with the new baby, the little girl asked her parents for some alone time with her new baby brother. Specifically, she asked that this be in his room with the door closed. Her insistence on privacy made her parents a little nervous, but then they remembered that they had installed a new baby monitor, so they could keep an eye on things. If anything seemed suspicious, they figured they could quickly get to the nursery.

So, the parents walked their young daughter to the infant’s room, shut the door, and then raced to the monitor. Holding their breath, they watched the little pajama-clad body moving toward the crib. With only the back of her tiny head in view, she poked her face through the bars. The parents leaned closer and listened as the child whispered to her new sibling:

“Tell me about God. I’m starting to forget.”^[1]

How easily it is to forget that pure awareness of who we are, and whose we are. Which is why I firmly believe religion is still relevant, and spirituality, for today and tomorrow’s Christian, is no longer only an option, but a necessity. Both can serve as reminders of our Christian identity. Together, religion and spirituality can help us mature our faith. 

I asked EpiscoBOT, an AI resource developed by and for the Episcopal Church, for working definitions of religion and spirituality:

• Religion is the organized, communal expression of faith: beliefs, doctrines, rituals, worship, and institutions (churches, sacraments, creeds) that shape a people’s life together.
• Spirituality is the personal, interior life of relating to God (or the sacred): prayer, conscience, experience of the Spirit, and the ways a person grows in love, meaning, and holiness.

Not bad, EpiscoBOT!

While the three-year-old little girl in our story and, certainly, the writer of the Gospel of John, also known as the Spiritual Gospel, have a grasp of the importance of a healthy spiritual life, I am not so sure about the protagonists in our two Gospel passages.

See what you think.

Nicodemus, a leader in the Jewish community, has heard about Jesus. For reasons unknown to us, he comes to Jesus by night to ask some questions. He’s curious, intellectual, and eager to learn.  He’s respectful, too, flattering even, but Jesus doesn’t take the bait. Instead, Jesus takes their private conversation from the religious to the spiritual, the mundane to the transcendent. No one can see (perhaps more to the point, sense) the Kingdom of God without being born again, anew, or from above. (We have some choices here.)^[2]

Bewildered and perhaps a bit bewitched by the charismatic rabbi, Nicodemus, taking a literal approach, wonders aloud how one might physically enter back into one’s mother’s womb to be born again. It’s comical. Jesus elaborates using wind as an example of the spirit’s mystifying movement. One can only imagine Nicodemus’ confused facial expression, in the flickering candlelight, as Jesus presses the issue, with more symbolic imagery and language that leave the poor Pharisee more in the dark than he was when he first arrived.

And just like that, John leaves Nicodemus to ponder this clandestine exchange for several more chapters. He’ll be back in chapter seven to testify on behalf of Jesus. And in 19, he brings a hundred pounds of myrrh to the tomb to anoint Jesus, on the presumption that his body will remain dead. 

The Spirit forms us as disciples over time, it seems. Sometimes.

A woman walks toward a well, empty bucket in hand. It’s noon. She’s alone. Again. Perhaps a single crow caws in the distance. I imagine even the field mice have scurried off to cooler places. There’s nowhere to hide in the blazing desert sunlight. Because noontime shadows tend to be forgiving, this is her private time to replenish.

Traditionally, wells were early-morning gathering places where gossip was exchanged, and laughter rang out, signs of kinship and vital community. In the ancient world, wells were where God did new things. Even all alone with her thoughts, perspiration dripping down her back, she senses the promise of new life bubble up when she comes to dip her bucket in the water. As she approaches, she braces herself spotting a male figure sitting on the edge of the well. She notices the tassels on his tunic. A Jew. They would not speak. Jews and Samaritans do not socialize. 

“Give me a drink,” he says.

“You talking to me? A Samaritan?” 

“Yes, and if you knew who you were talking to, you would have asked me for a drink,” Jesus says.

In the longest conversation Jesus has with anyone in scripture, male or female, back and forth they go, like a fiercely competitive singles tennis match.^[3]

Jesus serves. “Go call your husband.” 

“Sorry, don’t have one.” 

“You are right. You’ve had five.” 

Jesus gives voice to her uncomfortable truth. How could he know?

Stunned, she drops everything and runs into the village to tell anyone she can find.

“Come and see someone who told me everything I have ever done!”

This woman has nothing to lose. She was ripe for transformation.^[4]

What might we glean from these two characters for our own spiritual life as disciples of Christ? 

Perhaps that laying down our stories can be the hardest, best thing that can happen to us. That the timetable for our spiritual awakening can be fluid, that gender is inconsequential. 

God so loves the world, the whole world, that God sends Jesus, the word, the truth, the light, the bread, the vine, the way to eternal life. Based on our two examples, a genuine encounter with Jesus will be life-changing. And our response to that encounter will be unique. Like Nicodemus, some of us will participate in the background. Like the Samaritan woman (St. Photini, whose feast day is February 26), some of us will bear public witness. If we’re serious about following Jesus, what happens in the dark will eventually come to light. And, finally, we would do well (pun intended) to expect the unexpected.

At its very best, organized religion supports our discipleship in community. At its best, spirituality also supports our discipleship, especially when accompanied by a spiritually mature, inclusive, expansive theological imagination and regular prayer and practice. 

Without religion, spirituality can become unmoored, subjective, or exclusive. Without spirituality, religion can become empty ritual or mere tradition. The Christian life calls for both: faithful practice in private and in community, and an interior life of repentance and prayer, leading to compassion in action.

 

In this dangerous and unpredictable time, we can no longer afford to be religious but not spiritual. Our spirituality can form us to be the disciples we are called to be – blessed to be blessings, partners with God, serving in ways that seek to love and heal the world so that we may never forget the sweetness of God’s lavish love for each and every one of us. May it be so.

Amen💛

Watch this sermon here.

 

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.

Rainer Maria Rilke
Translated and read by Joanna Macy
Book of Hours, I 59

---

^[1] Marcus J. Borg, The Heart of Christianity: Rediscovering a Life of Faith (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2015), 113–14.

^[2] Amy-Jill Levine, The Gospel of John: A Beginner’s Guide to the Way, the Truth, and the Life, 1st ed (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2024), Ch. 2.

^[3] Lindsay Hardin Freeman, Bible Women: All Their Words and Why They Matter (Cincinnati: Forward Movement, 2014), 518.

^[4] Rachel Held Evans, Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Incorporated, 2018), 142–46.

Silence and Speaking Up

Photo credit: Rick Kain

To see the Moon that cannot be seen

Turn your eyes inward

and look at yourself,
in silence.

In this world and the next,
Don’t talk about this and that;

Let him show you everything,

shining as one . . . in silence.

~~ Rumi

In yoga there is inherently an awareness of  a union of opposites; right and left, heaven and earth, in breath and out breath, silence and sound...We practice noticing the dualities or seeming opposites so that eventually we can transcend them. This we practice in different ways, asana, breath work, chanting, etc. With practice we can find a balance that can help us move gracefully even off our mats.

As we are using our voices to speak words that help proclaim that black lives matter, as a white woman (in this incarnation anyway!) I am acutely aware that silence can be dangerous to my black and brown brothers and sisters and my words are needed. However I am also aware that there needs to be deliberate, conscious silence between the words to assure that what I am saying is intentionally kind, and helpful and just. To speak simply for the sake of speaking runs the risk of our intended meaning being lost in translation.

Recently my husband shared a childhood memory of visiting a family in Germany, the experience clearly a formative one for him. The family lived on a dairy farm and, for some reason that my husband could not explain, his military parents who were stationed there dropped him off to spend an entire weekend. He recalled that his hosts, while very hospitable did not speak a word of english. He talked about feeling uncomfortable at first but eventually he relaxed and played games with the children where language was not a barrier. He recalls sleeping in a feather bed with a mattress on top of him instead of a blanket. They ate German food and drank fresh milk from the farm. In the morning when the mom asked my husband how he had slept, in German of course, it took a while to figure out what she had been trying to ask.  Eventually he understood, gave them a thumbs up sign and they all had a good laugh. 

Somehow, despite the language barrier, they showed him a good time and he learned about farm life in a small German town and about hospitality and caring for our fellow humans.

Similarly, several years ago I attended a ten day silent Vipassana meditation course. I signed up in advance and was put on a waiting list as these ten day courses are extremely popular. When I was notified that a spot had opened up during the upcoming month, I quickly rearranged my schedule so that I could attend.

I was a little nervous. Ten days was a lot of time to spend mostly in silent meditation. It actually went pretty well. I produced a podcast about the experience. You can check it out here.

What I want to talk about here though is the revelation I had at the end of the retreat when we were finally able to talk to our fellow participants. Although all of us were women, the group of us, about 20 total, were from all walks of life, different nationalities, socioeconomic groups and age ranges. We slept together in small rooms of three. My twin bed was in the middle of two others. My bunkmates were an Indian woman and another of Chinese descent. We didn’t speak as we made our beds and set out our things in our small quarters. We communicated non-verbally about logistics like storage space and bathroom sharing. It was interesting and challenging at first but as time went on, we got into a comfortable groove.

The language of friendship is not words but meanings.

~~Henry David Thoreau

By the end of the retreat, we had adopted a very sweet, very compatible co-existence. When one of us left the room while the others were sleeping or meditating, we made sure to close the door lightly. We respected each other’s space and privacy when needed. We ate meals together in quiet mindful appreciation of the food and one another’s company. Somehow, without even speaking a word, strangers became friends. 

True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. 

— David Tyson Gentry

On the morning of the last day when we broke our silence and we were finally officially able to talk with one another, we were excited to share our experience, get to know one another and compare our early impressions to what we were now learning about one another. It was fascinating. I learned that my Indian roommate had two young boys and that she was the last member of her family to attend the Vipassana training. My other roommate had no children and worked as a scientist at a lab not far from my home. Most of us admitted to having certain ideas about the others in the group that changed as we neared the end of the ten days.

What I learned at that silent meditation retreat will stay with me for the rest of my life. Among many things, I learned that I make assumptions about people pretty quickly with little to go on but visual and verbal cues. I learned that although communication is essential to positive social interaction, words can sometimes get in the way. I learned that we can develop quality relationships with others who may seem different, by simply being present with them. I learned that caring for one another and mutual respect go a long way toward creating a peaceful, harmonious environment. No words were necessary for small acts of kindness.

In the absence of words however I was made acutely aware of the power of the word. The words we choose can heal or they can hurt. We must, in these times use our words to speak up against racism. Enough is truly enough. 

Ecclesiastes 3:7

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak

In the silence between our words, may we choose well. 
May we correct ourselves quickly when we choose poorly.
May our hearts be open to listen, especially when words fail us.
May our words contribute to a better, more loving world.
May these words that I write contribute in some way to the healing
of our black and brown brothers and sisters that they may know peace, serenity, safety, abundance and happiness.
May all beings everywhere be united as one family.

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. 
~~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Connie Bowman is an actress, podcast host, yoga teacher, and author of several books, including There's an Elephant in My Bathtub, Super Socks and Back to Happy. Follow her on Instagram @conniebowmanactressauthoryogior visit www.conniebowman.comJoin her for yoga Tuesday evenings here.

Fresh Start for A New Year

Happy Healthy New Year my friends! Have you made your resolutions and set your goals for this new year? We all know how that goes. We have good intentions but often no real plan. I read someone said “a goal without a plan is just a wish”. I have made a lot of wishes. Most of them never really panned out. 

I've learned a few things from living my life and from the many people I have interviewed on the Happy Healthy You! podcast. Here’s the thing about goals; goals are like trees. Stay with me here.

In my backyard the county has planted a tree farm as part of a restoration project. From our back deck we see rows of plastic tube things sticking up out of the ground. After a couple of years some of them still have live trees growing inside but many of them just didn't make it. I guess the logic was to plant as many as possible and see what happens. Many of the trees never took root. Some were surely eaten by deer. Those that are still growing must have had an advantage and it wasn't just the protective plastic tubes that the county provided. Those growing baby trees are my inspiration for my New Year.

To flourish and grow trees (and us with our best laid plans) need the advantage of intentional planning. They (we) need balance. They (we) need nourishment, the opportunity to grow roots and something to reach for. I am sorry for those trees that didn’t make it, but maybe they have something to teach us. 

Those trees were planted with the best of intentions. But left to chance only some will survive. I guess if we throw enough of our resolutions out there maybe a few will take root. But wouldn't it be great to be a little more conscious and intentional about our resolutions in 2018?

Most of us, myself included, have areas we wish to improve in body, mind and spirit. This balance has been key to my well-being and happiness and also healing from grief and loss as I have written about in my book Back to Happy. For our seeds to take root and grow, they need conscious intention and attention.

Here are some of my best thoughts for a fresh start as we begin this new year for our bodies, our minds and our spirits. I offer them up to you with love and gratitude and my best “wishes” for your happiest, healthiest year ever.

Body

Want to get in shape this year? Start with a check up. Know your numbers; blood pressure, cholesterol. etc.

Go to your local track and time fifteen minutes of running or walking. Get down in a low plank position (elbows under your shoulders, spine and legs in a straight line, ankles bent at 90 degrees, toes on the floor) and see how long you can hold it. How many push-ups can you do in a minute? How many crunches can you do in a minute?

Sit on the floor. Can you move to a standing position without using your hands?

Now you have your starting point. Everyday this year you know what you have to do. Go out and do a little bit better. Chart your progress. 

Mind

Sit tall, eyes open or closed and follow your breath.

Now we move to our meditation practice. How long can you sit in the morning and/or evening to meditate? Try it today. See how long you can sit with your spine erect, your eyes closed or just slightly open, and follow your breath as it enters and exits your body. Meditation is simple. Meditation is hard! As soon as you notice a thought, come back to your breath. Use a timer this first day and chart your progress. There is only one rule, no judgment! Judgment defeats the whole dang purpose of meditation. The reason I love yoga is it prepares me to sit in meditation for longer periods without thinking about my grocery list or my cramped legs. Maybe try a yoga class this year. You've got a starting point. Meet yourself where you are. You can have a goal of twenty minutes in the morning and evening if that works for you. 

Yoga is everywhere nowadays. Find a class you love.

Spirit

Now for the best part, our spiritual life - our connection to the divine. This is what gives meaning to our existence and helps us live happier, more emotionally stable, beautiful and love-filled lives. Spirituality is harder to measure but there are tools given to us through the ages that work. We should consider them.

Prayer: Find a favorite prayer and pray it everyday upon getting out of bed. I like The Lord’s Prayer, given to us by Jesus. It’s really the perfect prayer because it has everything that we need - devotion, supplication, confession. But you can choose another that works for you like The Serenity Prayer or The Prayer of St. Francis. The important thing is to acknowledge and make that connection to a higher power.

Forgiveness: Who do I need to forgive today? Can I let go of resentments and past hurts? Can you face this person and personally forgive them? If not, can you write a letter or make a phone call. If not, can you write the letter and burn it, symbolizing the end of the resentment. If it is difficult, ask for help from your higher power, a therapist, counselor, or spiritual advisor or a trusted friend.

Gratitude: What am I thankful for this day, this moment? Write it down. Sit with this feeling of gratitude and let it permeate your being. Gratitude is powerful stuff.

Beauty: Where can I bring more beauty into my life?

I love flowers. I like to see fresh flowers in every room. Beauty feeds the soul and enlivens the spirit. Get up early and watch the sun rise. I dare you to not be in awe. See a play, read good poetry, listen - really listen to a beautiful piece of music, admire art or even better, create your own!

Love: Love is everything. Take a moment to reflect on where and how well you give love and where and how well you are able to receive it. If one is out of whack, make it your goal to bring that back into balance. It can be as simple as letting your spouse finish the dishes while you read a good book or take a long hot bath. How about volunteering? If you’re craving companionship, there are a lot of options out there but you have to take action. There are animals to rescue, church communities to join, dating sites. Your prayer and meditation will help clear that connection to your soul and will guide you to the right place to fill your love tank.

Retreat: Remember, we cannot offer our gifts and our love to others if our well is empty. it’s important to stay replenished. Sometimes that means pausing to take time to reconnect to God and ourselves. You can go away to a seminary, an ashram, a retreat center, or stay in your own home by creating a sacred space for yourself to be quiet, to rest and reflect. It is in the stillness that we are restored. Turn off your technology. Read sacred literature.

Create regular pockets of peace for yourself and you will be happier and healthier for it.

I haven't mentioned nutrition in this blog but my feeling is that with attention to balance in mind, body and spirit, nutrition naturally falls into place. We eat what our body needs and are guided to healthier choices. Bad habits fall away with attention to our fitness, our peace of mind and our spirituality. Of course, if you find yourself needing help to quit any habits, bravo to you! Go for it! You are my favorite tree of all.

I also did not mention organization, time management, career aspirations or financial goals in this blog about balance. Again I suggest to you, when we get our minds, bodies and spirits in order, the rest falls neatly and almost miraculously into place. You'll see.

Well, that’s my two cents for starting off the New Year with a fresh start. Balance in body, mind and spirit is a pretty sweet resolution. Just beware of the side effects: joy, health, contentment, peace. 

Happy Healthy New Year!

XO,

Connie

Connie Bowman is an actress, author of the book Back to Happy and host of the podcast Happy Healthy You! Join us on our Facebook page for podcasts, more info about living a whole life in mind body and spirit and even special offers like podcast sponsor Blue Planet Eyewear offering 20% off purchases with Code: Connie20. Click here for their site.

Five Tips for Staying Happy and Healthy this Holiday Season

1. The frenzy of the holidays falls during the time of year that we are naturally supposed to be going inward for introspection, rest, reflection and preparation. We allow ourselves to be pulled in different directions during this darkest time, perhaps as a way of distracting us from the impending darkness. If we embrace the darkness and let it inform us, this season can be a time of supreme creativity and birthing the new. Go within each day to meditate, pray, journal or simply find stillness. Allow this time to be sacred for you. Keep the inner lamp lit. With practice, outer distractions will fade. This is the key to peace. Here's some inspiration in the podcast about tapping into our gentle centers every day.

2. Eat mindfully. Consciously choosing our food, preparing it with love and expressing gratitude before we eat are all good ways to practice mindfulness around eating. With so many temptations and distractions during the holiday season, a mindful routine is more important than ever. Eating a meal in silence allows us to focus on flavors, the textures, the colors, and the nourishing qualities of the food in front of us. Asking ourselves what we are really hungry for cuts right to the core of our true longing. Is it really food or is it a deeper spiritual or emotional longing that brings us to the table? For more inspiration, listen to our podcast with Julie Reisler.


3. Keep up your regular exercise routine if you can or try something different. No rules, just move the body every day. Try a new yoga class. There are so many yoga classes from gentle restorative to hot and sweaty vinyasa. Find a new class and a new teacher. A little yoga will help us all stay in balance in mind, body and spirit during this crazy time of year. Listen to this podcast about the many benefits of yoga and some ideas for stress relief and healing with one of my favorite yogis, Ashley Litecky Elenbaas.


4. Remember to play, laugh and enjoy the holidays. Lighten up during this darkest time of the year. That's the point, right? Christ came to bring light to a broken world. Hanukkah is all about keeping those lamps lit! Here's a podcast to make you laugh and another to remind you to lighten up during this joyous and sacred time of the year.


5. Give. It's a time of giving to those we love. But don't forget those who may be hurting or less fortunate this holiday season. Donate to your favorite church or charity. Remember the ill or the grieving by giving the gift of a visit, a note or a book like Back to Happy. Giving to others has benefits for our own health and wellness, booting mood and immunity. Here's one idea for giving back in this holiday with one of my favorite charities, My Girlfriend's House.

However you and yours celebrate the holidays this year, may they bring you joy, peace and lots of love. And may your good vibes raise the vibes out in the world. God knows we can use it. 
Namaste.