Stories We Tell: Grief and the Holidays

When we so fear the dark that we demand light around the clock, there can be only one result: artificial light that is glaring and graceless and, beyond its borders, a darkness that grows ever more terrifying as we try to hold it off. Split off from each other, neither darkness nor light is fit for human habitation. But the moment we say “yes” to both of them and join their paradoxical dance, the two conspire to make us healthy and whole.                  

                                    ~~Parker J. Palmer

Accepting the bad with the good is part of life, or so the idiom goes. Grief and loss happen throughout a lifetime, but then also come great gifts of joy and happiness. It’s an irony of the greatest degree that the holidays, these festivals of light that we celebrate, happen for us at the darkest time of the year. Or perhaps it’s a beautiful gift. At the most basic level, the stories we tell around the holidays can be healing at very deep levels.

“God rest you merry gentlemen, Let nothing you dismay.” 

The carol suggests we take heart and implores us to rest in the awareness that Christ the Savior was born on Christmas day to take us out of our grief and darkness. The chorus brings us “tidings of comfort and joy”. A nice sentiment. 

Easier sang than done.

Like the holiday stories of our childhood, our own lives are stories unfolding. It is interesting to observe the things that show up in our lives. Our lives are stories that have meaning and wisdom and we are meant to pay attention. They are clues to our true selves, as mystic Thomas Merton would say. For Merton, doing away with the false self was our life’s work. 

We take on this false self by believing the stories we tell ourselves about what is good and bad and right and wrong based on false culturally derived assumptions and flat-out survival instincts. Father Thomas Keating, who died last month, said this of the true self: “Our basic core of goodness is our true self, its center of gravity is God.” He also said, and I love this, “The false self doesn’t drop dead on command.” Unfortunately. 

We live our lives mostly on the surface. Surface-level living gets us in trouble with our souls and with one another. At a surface level, we take for granted that the Christmas story is accurate. The truth is we don’t really know if the baby Jesus was born on the date that we celebrate Christmas. We don’t know for sure if the stable was a thing. We don’t know if Mary was really a virgin. The story is a stretch for our modern imaginations. 

What if that’s the whole point? What if we were to look more deeply with our amazing imaginations and our extremely capable and compassionate hearts? What if we looked at it, that Christmas story, as a gift; a story of hope for our dark, grief-filled lives. The same could be true of the story of Hannukah. What if we were supposed to let our imaginations take us more deeply into those stories that have undeniably stood the test of time? What if, by letting our imaginations run a little wild, we could shine some light onto our own unfolding stories?

This December I have a happy, joyful thing happening right alongside some very sad, stressful things, as many of us do. On the 10th of the month my children’s book, There’s an Elephant in My Bathtub comes out. It’s so happy, a sweet gift for children - sorry but all the kids in my life will be getting one. (Now I’ve gone and ruined the surprise.) There will also be a sweet children’s sing-along produced by the super talented David Rowen, featuring some of my favorite Broadway stars. Now that’s fun and happy and joyful and beautiful. This children’s book will become part of my story.

It’s the good and the bad, the dark and the light, the joy and the grief that is our life’s journey, our own personal story, that we are living out every moment of our lives. We experience them all and they don’t have a calendar. Only in the movies do the enemy troops stop and pray together on Christmas, going back to fighting the following day. Grief and loss and conflict are part of the human condition. So is joy, happiness, love...

Author Cynthia Bourgeault writes: 

Deeper than our sense of separateness and isolation is another level of awareness in us, another whole way of knowing. Thomas Keating, in his teachings on centering prayer, calls this our “spiritual awareness” and contrasts it with the “ordinary awareness” of our usual, egoic thinking. The simplest way of describing this other kind of awareness is that while the self-reflexive ego thinks by means of noting differences and drawing distinctions, spiritual awareness “thinks” by an innate perception of kinship, of belonging to the whole. The only thing blocking the emergence of this whole and wondrous other way of knowing is your over-reliance on your ordinary thinking. If you can just turn that off for a while, then the other will begin to take shape in you, become a reality you can actually experience. And as it does, you will know . . . your absolute belonging and place in the heart of God, and that you are a part of this heart forever and cannot possibly fall out of it, no matter what may happen. In the contemplative journey, as we swim down into those deeper waters toward the wellsprings of hope, we begin to experience and trust what it means to lay down self, to let go of ordinary awareness and surrender ourselves to the mercy of God. And as hope . . . flows out from the center, filling us with the fullness of God’s own purpose living itself into action, then we discover within ourselves the mysterious plenitude to live into action what our ordinary hearts and minds could not possibly sustain.

The children’s book came about when I woke up one morning with a line in my head. I made a beeline for my computer to type what was rolling around in my mind: “This morning I was rather shocked to find an elephant in my bathtub.” When six-year-old Isaac visited during the holidays with his family he left some of his toy animals around the house. As I was cleaning up from our holiday party I found a plastic camel on the sofa cushion, a lion on the floor, and a gorilla on the ottoman.  That's how the book was conceived.

I try to pay attention to things that happen like this, seemingly out of the blue. Think about the things in your life that have shown up unexpectedly. They might be "God things" as my friend Barb and I like to call them. I have learned to pay attention when these unusual things happen because a sub-plot of my story is beginning to reveal itself. This life is fun and interesting and mysterious like that.

One of the many reasons the Christmas story is so magical is the spectacular imagery in the story of the birth of Christ. There is the famous star that appears in the sky, directing the three wise men to the exact place of Jesus’ birth. That ancient GPS was important to those three guys. They needed that star otherwise they would be lost. We know how men hate to ask for directions. And how about the angel that appeared to Mary telling her she was going to have God’s baby? Whoa, that would be a shocker for any young girl to hear, angel or not. Fortunately, the angel preceded his announcement with the admonishment to “fear not” before he unloaded the good news on her. Take a deep breath girl your life is about to change radically and, by the way, so will the rest of the world. Quite a story unfolded on that starry silent night in that stable in Bethlehem.

"O star of wonder, star of night,

Star with royal beauty bright,

Westward leading, still proceeding,

Guide us to thy perfect Light"

Those two images, the star that led the wise men and the angel’s visitation on this teenage mom-to-be, can be woven into my own story. Here’s an example. Paying attention to the signs and wonders of the day like those wise men, who didn’t have a Waze app on their iPhone, is something I try to practice. When an idea for a story pops in, I take it seriously. Sometimes it turns into a book, sometimes it’s just a passing fancy. When I am seeking guidance I look to these sacred stories. 

For about a year I played with the story and the images of the elephant and the other larger-than-life animals as a way to handle grief. It turned out to be great therapy.  You might give it a try as another tool for journeying through grief. Creativity is healing. It takes us out of our minds. The mind can spin things over and over until the truth is so obscured it is barely recognizable. The Dr. Phil dramas that we create up there in the mind are not the real deal. When we explore our subconscious mind for the creative gems that are hidden there we are able to uncover deep heart-centered wisdom.

The truth of our lives is our story. What is your true story? Take out all of the spin and take a good hard realistic look at your true story. Did you have a less than happy childhood? What stories have you been telling yourself it? What do you know about your people and their own stories? How separated do you feel from loved ones and others in your community? Where is there common ground? Tell the truth. Just the facts ma’am/man. Just the facts.

What we know about the Christmas story is that a child was born and he grew up to be a teacher and a preacher of love, a rabble-rouser from the get-go, a healer, and a leader. We don’t really know what he looked like although he was probably not much over five feet as that was the average height at the time. We’re not sure he was actually born in Bethlehem. Details are murky at best, but the similar stories in the gospels point to something with historical veracity. The fact that we are still celebrating that birth two thousand and some years later is telling. I could only dream of that for my little book.

I am enjoying this Pray as You Go website which provides an opportunity to experience the nativity story in a deeper way. It is beautifully done. It is especially nice for families. Check it out here.

"How silently, how silently

The wondrous gift is given!

So God imparts to human hearts

The blessings of His heaven.

No ear may hear His coming,

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive him still,

The dear Christ enters in"

After submitting my story and getting lots of rejections, I was contacted by the publisher back in January. They were interested in my story. What? We began work on the book shortly thereafter. 

The holidays are tough for a lot of people. I know that after Meghan, my first child, died (Back to Happy, my first book, was about healing from that loss) I didn’t have much passion for creating a festive holiday for my family. But I had to drum up some enthusiasm for my three-year-old daughter Caroline. I also had a newborn son, just two months old, that first Christmas. What a story! Somehow we survive these things that seem so devastating and life-changing. Many of us thrive through adversity and develop more compassion, resilience, and a sense of justice. Others become bitter, hopeless, deeply depressed. A lot of us fall somewhere in the middle. Our stories go on. Like the animals in my story, the big things become smaller with the passage of time. When we share our stories truthfully we find common ground.

We took the Amtrak train from Baltimore to New York City recently and as my husband and I emerged from Penn Station onto 34th street in Manhattan he commented, “I think I just saw more people on this block than I have seen in the last month.” So many people. And they each have stories. There’s common ground for you.

How will you honor your story this holiday season? Will you look to the Nativity or the Hanukkah stories for inspiration and an awareness of a deeper truth of your own. I recommend it. Take some time to ponder the meaning of your life in light of the mythologies we have come to know and cherish. How do you relate to the characters in the stories? How will you move forward in relation to the characters in your life in light of these stories? How has your relationship to your Creator changed in light of these stories and your own?

The Christmas story will always be a source of comfort and joy for me, especially in darker times. Each year my relationship with the mystery that is God deepens as my story unfolds. The staying power of these stories is evidence that life goes on despite hardship and personal struggle. My faith is deepened every Christmas morning when I remember that the Light of the World, that innocent child who grew to show us how things could be, was a gift, is a gift of love to all of us always, and especially when things appear darkest.

I will breathe through this season with all of you who are experiencing similar dark nights right alongside the happiness of holiday festivities. Yoga, a healthy diet, and good sleep will help, as will some of the other lessons I shared in my book Back to Happy.

Also, look for my ten-day course called Sacred Grieving available on the Insight Timer app. I will be using it as well this season to gracefully navigate the trials to come. I would love your comments on the course.

If you love animals like I do, buy my sweet children’s book here and share it with the children in your life. And don’t forget to check out and share the sing-along video on YouTube. You might not thank me after the children have played it for the hundredth time, but your kiddos will love it!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Blessed Happy Healthy Holidays to you and yours.

Namaste, Shalom, Peace.

Connie

Connie Bowman is an actress, author, host of the podcast Happy Healthy You! and yoga teacher who teaches at various places around Howard County, MD. For more about her visit www.conniebowman.com.

Laughter as Medicine

Want the change

by Rainer Maria Rilke

English version by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy

Want the change. Be inspired by the flame
where everything shines as it disappears.
The artist, when sketching, loves nothing so much
as the curve of the body as it turns away.

What locks itself in sameness has congealed.
Is it safer to be gray and numb?
What turns hard becomes rigid
and is easily shattered.

Pour yourself out like a fountain.
Flow into the knowledge that what you are seeking
finishes often at the start, and, with ending, begins.

Every happiness is the child of a separation
it did not think it could survive. And Daphne, becoming
a laurel,
dares you to become the wind.

This morning as my chair yoga class at the Florence Bain Center in Columbia finished savasana and gently drew their hands to their hearts into prayer to whisper the closing “Namaste”, I was overcome with emotion. These seniors who show up to practice yoga, despite their physical and cognitive limitations, have taught me much more than I could ever teach them.

Many of them battle pain, depression, chronic illness, and the challenges that come with aging, yet they make their way to our sweet sacred circle every week to breathe and move their bodies; to practice yoga together.

Today we practiced laughter yoga. It was a bit of a risk for me, a relatively new yoga teacher. I have been teaching for three years in Howard County. I never thought I’d be teaching seniors. I started teaching because I really believe in the healing benefits of yoga, having experienced them myself. Years ago, after the death of my six-year-old daughter Meghan, yoga was a practice that helped get me through the grieving process. I wrote about it in my book, Back to Happy. The physical practice, the meditation, and the opportunity to slow down were saving graces for me as I faced the difficult task of learning to accept that my daughter was gone.

When I introduced the idea of laughter yoga, I wasn’t sure how it would go over. With a couple of the students in wheelchairs, there are always modifications to the traditional poses that need to happen. But this was something altogether new for this brave class that typically ranges in age from 72 to 92. They are usually pretty game for my antics, but still, I had apprehension about trying something so new and different.

One of the chapters in my book Back to Happy is all about acceptance. Losing a child is hard to accept. Darn near impossible to be more precise. In those early days, months, and even years, I looked for almost any way to avoid the reality of her loss. I kept myself impossibly busy; too busy to think, too busy to breathe, too busy to hear the beating of my broken heart.

The class started with a “pranayama” exercise I called Ha Ha Hee Hee Hee, which we chanted for several rounds. By the end, a few students were smiling as I suggested they close their eyes and notice the effects of the exercise. We deepened and slowed our breath and sat in silence together, enjoying a short meditation. That went well, I thought to myself. Maybe this will work after all.

In another chapter of my book, I wrote about the day I learned to surrender. I had been trying to go on with life, being a mommy to my other two young children while deeply missing my daughter Meghan. The sadness was affecting me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I didn't know what to do anymore. I had reached the bottom I suppose. That day, it was afternoon as I recall, I got down on my knees in my living room and cried out to God.

God and I had not exactly been on speaking terms after Meghan’s death. I was brought up in the Episcopal church, a generic enough religion. I knew all the proper prayers. They just weren't getting me anywhere. Until that day in my living room when, in desperation, I let down my armor and told God out loud that I couldn’t do this alone and I really, really, really could use a hand. 

After our meditation, the class loosened up a bit with some gentle neck stretches in preparation for phase two of laughter yoga. The next part of my little experiment involved an invisible telephone which we held up to our ears. Then we imagined that we had just been told the funniest joke ever over that phone. These obliging, funny, enthusiastic yogis went for it! They started with small chuckles which soon grew into roaring laughter. As they looked at one another their laughter became contagious. They kept it going for several minutes until this group of around ten sounded like an audience at a comedy show. One yogi snorted (or maybe that was me). When we finished our laughter yoga, all of us closed our eyes and observed the physical, chemical, and emotional changes that we knew were going on inside.

I thought I learned a lot from my grief journey, and surely I did. I never dreamed I would be teaching yoga to the senior population. The honor of teaching this courageous group of souls has given me much more than I ever expected, certainly much more than I give to them. I'm pretty sure it was a God thing.

Happiness is an inside job. Life is hard and if we’re lucky, we have the privilege of getting old.

To do this life thing well, we’ve got to keep moving and breathing and loving one another. 

I am still on my journey back to happy and grateful to be on it with this fantastic and incredibly wise group of yogis.

Namaste,

Connie Bowman

Connie Bowman is an actress, voice-over talent, yoga teacher, and author of Back to Happy, a Journey of Hope, Healing and Waking Up, and a new children's book entitled There's an Elephant in My Bathtub. For more info: www.conniebowman.com

Wild Geese

My husband teases me that I say yoga is great for everything. Maybe it's not good for everything, but yoga can prepare us to move through life’s joys and sorrows with ease and grace and to unify our minds, our bodies and our spirits so that we can live happier, healthier lives. 

In many ways joy can be as challenging to contain as grief. The intensity of joy floods the nervous system with exhilarating feel good hormones. Joy can be thrilling, exciting and stimulating. Grief, likewise creates a similarly intense response. Both emotions affect us profoundly; physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

Moving through the asanas (poses), breathing practices, and meditation of a full yoga practice allows us to move stagnant energy from the body and helps us to remember and reunite with our true natures. Our mats can be places to return to again and again to clear out the cobwebs and relieve stored tension in the body.

This week I am recovering from wedding joy. (Yes, recovering from intense joy is a thing!) There is also the letdown after all the planning and the full weekend of festivities and celebrations. It was so much fun, extremely emotional and touching to see family and friends gathered to celebrate the happy couple. It was also exhausting.

I need yoga this week. I feel tired but am also flying high like the wild geese I keep seeing these past few days. There was so much love for this couple, my daughter and her now husband, our sweet new son-in-law. He could barely contain himself when those church doors opened to reveal his bride. Tears flowed from both of them even before her father and I walked her down the aisle. It was stunningly beautiful, sweet and sacred.

Have you noticed all of the wild geese flying overhead lately? I am in love with the geese. A few years back I recorded this, Mary Oliver’s Snow Geese, a poem about joy and it’s fleeting nature. I love this poem because it captures beautifully how transitory this emotion joy really is. Joy often seems like it's gone soon after it arrives. If only sorrow was as short-lived!

For ancient Celtic people wild geese symbolized God. Much like God, geese can be disruptive, surprising and sometimes unexpected, but also quite awesome and beautiful just the same. Like the geese, God sees from a higher vantage point and moves with perfect precision.

Consider the expression “wild goose chase”, meaning to chase after something that is hard to catch. Sounds a lot to me like our souls, our true selves, or God. There are times when God does seem elusive. This can be especially true in times of stress or sorrow. We may look and look but cannot find a trace of God in our lives. When this happens, I need to find something like those miraculous geese to tide me over until I can reconnect with what has been there all along. Yoga always helps. So does prayer, sacred writings, meditation, time with a dear friend, a good long nap…

Why do they fly in a V? I looked it up. It conserves their energy. Each bird flies slightly above the bird in front, resulting in a reduction of wind resistance. The birds take turns being in the front, falling back when they get tired. In this way, the geese can fly for a long time before they need to stop to rest. They know when to fly, how to fly and where to fly. How do they know all of this? Their formations are precise. The sound of the wings flapping as they fly can be deafening if you are close. And their loud bossy honk, their communication with one another, is fascinating to observe as they encourage the slow, slacker geese to fly faster. They are individuals, yet their unity allows them to move through the sky with great power and mighty impressive precision.

A pair of geese will get together to raise a family and, for the most part, will stay together the rest of their lives (up to 25 years), raising new families each year. Geese have very strong affections for others in their group (known as a gaggle). If one bird in the gaggle gets sick, wounded, or shot, a couple of others may drop out of formation and follow the ailing goose down to help and protect him or her. They try to stay with the disabled goose until it dies or is able to fly again, then they catch up with the group or launch out with another formation. 

Geese are social animals who suffer when confined in individual cages. Confinement such as this also can lead to lesions of the sternum and bone fractures, as well as foot injuries from the cage floors. 

My prayer for us is that we can take a lesson from the wild geese and learn to fly together, to take care of one another, to share  leadership and to honk loudly when someone needs a little encouragement to do better. And for those of us lucky enough to find a partner to travel this journey with, may we honor that relationship with deep reverence, remembering to look deeply for the divine spark in the other as well as ourselves.

Joy and sorrow move through the emotional and physical body throughout our lifetime. As I wrote in my book Back to Happy we cannot hold on to joy anymore than the geese can stay forever in the air. They must find fields on which to land. Joy is a gift to be cherished but not clung to. 

Sorrow, although it does pass, can stay with and affect the body in a negative way if we allow it. We can, however, choose otherwise.

Next up on the Happy Healthy You! podcast  we talk about the issues that can land in our tissues after trauma and how to move through the tough times. 

Like the geese, we must keep moving though the seasons of our lives. Practices like yoga can help. To practice with me, visit my yoga page at www.conniebowman.com

Namaste,

Connie

                                          SOMETHING TOLD THE WILD GEESE

                                                            By Rachel Field

Something told the wild geese

It was time to go,

Though the fields lay golden

Something whispered, "snow."

Leaves were green and stirring,

Berries, luster-glossed,

But beneath warm feathers

Something cautioned, "frost."

All the sagging orchards

Steamed with amber spice,

But each wild breast stiffened

At remembered ice.

Something told the wild geese

It was time to fly,

Summer sun was on their wings,

Winter in their cry.

Choose Joy

I have told you these things so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.  This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ~~Jesus the Christ

It doesn’t take much to make me content these days. A shaft of sunlight, a ripe piece of fruit, a smile or a hug can cause my heart overflow. Life is good and sweet and dear. People are mostly good and sweet and dear. What is right in front of me is just as it should be and, without question, I am happy.

It’s quite beautiful and miraculous actually when I consider, by comparison, the depths of my grief. There was a time when managing the stressors of life and the sadness over losing my child was unbearable. I couldn't see an end to the pain. How did this abiding contentment come about and when did I notice it was perhaps here to stay?

Here’s the thing, it didn’t happen overnight. I had to do some serious inner work and it took some time. I had to learn to accept the loss and change the way I was in relationship to our daughter who was no longer with us. I had to let go, surrender and remember what sacred teachings have told us for eons. Once I was able to let go, even a little, things began to be much easier and light slowly slipped in through the cracks.

Many of us in this country and the world are struggling with the pain that comes with change. It can be intense. We are resisting, fighting against ideas, symbols and structures that no longer serve us, rather than gracefully letting the new, better version of ourselves emerge. 

We are in perilous times, there is no doubt. The hatred and vitriol that is arising is ugly and scary and feels like unstable energy. Statues are falling and symbols of past belief systems are crumbling away. This always causes tension, fear and even violence.

I can however see through this to find the good. Can you? Just like a pretty yellow flower grows from a weed, something is flowering in us and from the bottom up. I have to believe we are blossoming into the humans we were created to be. We are looking less to the people we (sometimes blindly) trusted in the past and more to our (sacred) inner selves. This is also similar to how we grow into mature adults. 

In one episode of the Happy Healthy You! podcast I shared  that I attended a ten day silent retreat to practice meditation. In that podcast which you can listen to here, I talked about the unraveling that happens when we get still enough to notice the thoughts that constantly ramble around in our minds. Our teacher warned us that day two of the process would be particularly dangerous for us as we settled in to our practice. Some dropped out on that day as the intensity of their own mind chatter became overwhelming. What I observed in myself that day was a serious almost addictive tendency to let negative thoughts overtake others that would have been much more productive. As I released these thoughts from consciousness tears flowed. Fortunately I had a teacher to remind me that this day two phenomenon was perfectly normal and would pass. And it did. By day three a peaceful sense of well-being pervaded my mind and body as I continued to practice.

Learn to get in touch wth silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from. ~~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

This too will pass, as everything does. The Buddha reminded us that impermanence is a given. Nothing stays the same. 

No thing is sacred. Statues are not sacred. Even structures like churches are not sacred. It is the energy from people praying in them that creates a sacred space. We are sacred. All. Of. Us. And while we all carry a spark of the divine, we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. In fact we are fatally flawed and that’s what makes us so darn interesting. We get pissed off about injustice. We get addicted to our beliefs and what makes us most comfy. Sometimes we do and say stupid things. We make no sense much of the time.  We are human.

To meet everything and everyone through stillness instead of mental noise is the greatest gift you can offer the universe. ~~Eckhart Tolle

What we have here is an opportunity to change for the better by using that sacred energy that emanates from stillness to become aware of what no longer serves our highest good. We can then let go of past ideas of separation and competition. We can choose to see each other with new eyes of compassion and love. (Hint: that’s a key to happiness.)

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
~~Maya Angelou

Like it or not we are growing. And we can choose to grow together and blossom together or fight it kicking and screaming. The problem is, when we kick and scream, others can be hurt and that’s not cool. It’s OK to be angry but it’s not OK to hurt one another. 

Happiness, contentment, even joy is a choice. It’s a choice to take the path of growth through peaceful conflict resolution. What will you choose today?

Prayer: Help us see through the unreal to the real and love one another as You have loved us.

Affirmation: In the silence of my heart I choose joy.

Practice:  A short yoga practice to help move energy through the body. Yoga for Serenity.

Connie Bowman is an actress and yogi and author of Back to Happy a Journey of Hope, Healing and Waking Up. 

For more about Connie including her yoga classes and workshops, visit her website at www.conniebowman.com.

The Value of Retreat

"In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion."
                                   ~Albert Camus


When I turned 50, I treated myself to a women’s retreat in the mountains of Vermont. I didn't know anyone else who was going and I had never, ever done anything like this. I had been a wife and mom for so many years and was primarily focused on the needs of my family so the idea of taking time for myself in this way had never really occurred to me. But as I reached this milestone birthday, I started wondering where my life was going now that my parenting skills were no longer needed in the same way. I started searching for something that would shake me up a bit and maybe be just a little scary - you know, scary enough to give me a little kick in the pants. A women’s retreat seemed to be just the ticket. It was, I believed, just what I needed to celebrate my entrance into the second half (hopefully) of my life and give me some inspiration to create new and exciting things for myself. 

The experience proved to be this and so much more. Overcoming the mild anxiety I felt about traveling alone, meeting all new people and trying something new (in this case mountain biking) gave me a new feeling of confidence and independence. The new friends I made taught me so much as each woman on that retreat had a story, reminding me to have compassion and love for myself and others. The challenging (really, really challenging) mountain biking reminded me that I was capable of so much more than I was giving myself credit for and I was inspired to add some new things to my daily routine once home. 

That retreat opened the door to many more adventures, solo and with friends, and I wished I hadn’t waited so long to take the first one. Since then I have done yoga retreats, spa retreats, silent meditation retreats, running retreats and the list goes on… I may be a little obsessed. In all seriousness though I am convinced of the value of taking time to do this for reminding me about my vision for my life and helping  reshape myself into the woman I want to be. Each time I have come back home with new information about myself, spiritual insight, greater confidence and healing benefits as well. 

Retreat. The word itself connotes turning away from that which is assaulting or threatening. To retreat is to step away from the fray, the chaos, the battle, and return to a sense of safety and peace. To “treat” ourselves with renewal, reconnection and relaxation.

We all need retreat from the world from time to time. A good, well-planned retreat can give us that peace, that sense of restoration that gets us back to our center and reminds us of our purpose here on the planet. A good retreat takes us back to our true selves. It’s healthy for body, mind and spirit. Especially spirit. Retreat is essential for us if we are dedicated to living our spiritual truth. But we must first find our own personal best way to achieve the desired results.

Retreats can take so many forms. A day retreat at home can be restorative as can a week-long getaway. Whatever the format and location, the important thing is to unplug from the day to day routine and find time to relax, reboot and reconnect with yourself. There are so many opportunities and ways to do this. Simply taking a day to stay home, unplugging from all technology, taking time for contemplation, meditation and self-care is one way to do it. It’s affordable and can be great for getting back to our center. With a little planning, the day can be filled with healthy food, rest and activities that help bring us back to ourselves. A suggested schedule might go something like this: wake-up, stretch and/or yoga, healthy breakfast, meditation and/or prayer, journaling, walk in nature, vision boarding, light lunch, self-massage, bath with aroma therapy, nap, yoga, breath-work, meditation, light supper, deep listening to sacred music and reflection, snack of herbal tea and fruit and nuts, guided meditation, sleep. This is just a suggestion. There are so many ways to customize your personal time away.

Doesn’t that sound delicious? Now, planning your personal retreat will be up to you. You will need to have healthy meals and snacks  at the ready as well as any journaling and vision boarding  materials, bath salts or oils you might like, etc. It’s a good idea to have everything planned ahead of time so there is little for the mind to think about. All of the details are taken care of so that you are best able to relax, let go and be open to receive any inspiration that wants to come in. The conscious mind can take a rest and the unconscious which really runs the show most of the time gets a chance to speak up. We become aware of the repetitive thoughts that consume our mind and keep us from achieving our goals and truly being happy.

If at all possible, do take a retreat where everything is planned for you and you have little to do but show up. It’s really a nice thing to do for yourself and I highly recommend it. The advantage of attending a retreat where the schedule is set, the food is prepared and you can relax and let go is that you are free to just focus on yourself. What a concept huh? In my experience, this kind of retreat is the best way to really release the pressure that can build up from everyday life. Sometimes all it takes is getting to a new location, seeing new things and letting go of daily routines to bring us back home to ourselves.

There are so many great retreat ideas out there. Just do a little research and find the one that works best for you, your schedule and your needs. Perhaps a visit to a spiritual center or monastery is in order to get you reconnected to the God of your understanding. These types of retreats can be designed for your personal journey or can be a group experience and can be quite affordable. There is also the added advantage of spiritual direction at many of these retreats that is attractive to some. If you want to do yoga, there are lots of great retreat options out there for you. If you’re a foodie, take a cooking retreat and learn a few new tricks in the kitchen. Nowadays, the opportunities are literally endless. Just do your homework.

Of course, I am quite partial to a retreat I have planned in June with my good friend Julie Reisler, the awesome coach and empowerment specialist. Julie has been featured on many of the Happy Healthy You! podcasts and is such a fun and inspiring human being. We decided earlier this year that we wanted to bring together a group of women and provide the opportunity for them to not only relax and have fun, but also to reconnect with joy in their lives. And, as Julie says in this week’s podcast, take it back home and “spread it around like peanut butter!” 

I love that!  As women, we are the “spreaders of joy” for those we love.  But we can’t spread anything unless our own tanks are full first. We do so much for others, we must take care to first nurture ourselves or we risk burning out and even worse, negatively impacting our health. We know you want to be the best you that you can be. For Julie and me, that means staying joyful and happy and healthy. We want to be the best versions of ourselves so we can serve others and also be an inspiration for others to be their best selves. A rising tide lifts all boats after all.

So, please come with us in June and we will help you reconnect with that best version of yourself with some well-planned, joyful activities. You won’t have to lift a finger, just get yourself there and we will take over from that point. Here are the important details. For more information, please contact Julie or me. We’d love to talk to you about Joy Camp 2016!

Join us for 

JOY CAMP 2016! 

June 5 - 8 

Scottsdale, AZ 

Picture this: You. At an extraordinary women’s retreat. At the luxurious iconic boutique Hotel Valley Ho. This June. All designed to have you transformed (with way more joy going on) from the inside out. 

Here’s what we promise:
* loads of joy
* sunrise + nightcap yoga
* make your own mala beads * meditation 

* hikes on some of the most gorgeous trails * delicious food
* relaxing spa treatments
* personalized barefoot fitness training 

* workshops on purpose, passion + presence
* group + private sessions with a renowned medium * 1:1 private coaching
* time to chill your buns + relax 

Your hosts, Julie Reisler + Connie Bowman, are ALL about finding more joy and helping you do that in the most delightful way. Relax, reboot and reconnect with your beautiful joyful self. 

Contact: connie@conniebowman.com or julie@juliereisler.com to hold your space. Space is limited. 

EARLY BIRD RATES + DEETS: 

$1450 single room || $1250 double room
Wanna extend your relaxation retreat? Come three days early and stay late for just $136/night (typically $300+/night; exclusive of taxes and room charges). 

    

Pricing includes: three nights at the Valley Ho iconic hotel, most meals and healthy snacks (one dinner on your own), yoga and meditation, group workouts, mala bead making, hiking, wellness workshops and a gift swag bag. Price goes up on March 1, 2016. 

Reserve your spot NOW with a $100 deposit. For additional special JOY CAMP rate and spa reservations, reserve soon! Full amount due May 1st, 2016. 

With boundless joy, 

Julie + Connie