If the only prayer you ever say in your life is thank you, it will be
enough. Meister Eckhart
Expressing thanks may be one of the simplest
ways to feel better, happier and even healthier.
The Thanksgiving holiday began, as the name implies, when the colonists
gave thanks for their survival and for a good harvest. I can only imagine what it was like to have
lived through those early days in our country with much loss of life, sickness,
hunger and fear. Those colonists didn’t have the research we have today that
spouted the many benefits of expressing gratitude, but they did have faith.
Their belief in a higher power reminded them that gratitude was an imperative,
not an option and so Thanksgiving was born.
There
are only two contemporary accounts of the 1621 Thanksgiving: This is Edward
Winslow's account, which he wrote in a letter dated December 12, 1621. The
complete letter was first published in 1622.
Our
corn [i.e. wheat] did prove well, and God be praised, we had a good increase of
Indian corn, and our barley indifferent good, but our peas not worth the gathering,
for we feared they were too late sown. They came up very well, and blossomed,
but the sun parched them in the blossom. Our harvest being gotten in, our
governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a special manner
rejoice together after we had gathered the fruit of our labors. They four in
one day killed as much fowl as, with a little help beside, served the company
almost a week. At which time, amongst other recreations, we exercised our arms,
many of the Indians coming amongst us, and among the rest their greatest king
Massasoit, with some ninety men, whom for three days we entertained and
feasted, and they went out and killed five deer, which they brought to the
plantation and bestowed on our governor, and upon the captain and others. And
although it be not always so plentiful as it was at this time with us, yet by
the goodness of God, we are so far from want that we often wish you partakers
of our plenty.
Thanksgiving wasn't made an actual holiday until much later. Here's a fun video about the history of the holiday.
This week can be an experiment in practicing
gratitude. Will you try it? Maybe you’re
already a champion at this expressing of thanks - but me, I need a practice to
raise the bar. I must admit, I take people and things for granted A LOT!
My life is really pretty comfy and I have been blessed over and over
again. I really should be expressing my
gratitude more abundantly. This will be good for me.
Here’s what I have learned from some of the leading researchers and their
studies of gratitude. (They must know, right!)
The word
gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace,
graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways
gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful
appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible.
With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process,
people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least
partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect
to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people,
nature, or a higher power.
In positive
psychology research gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with
greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish
good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build
strong relationships.
People feel
and express gratitude in many ways. They can apply it to the past
(retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or
past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes),
and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude). Regardless of
the inherent or current level of someone’s gratitude, it’s a quality that
individuals can successfully cultivate further.
Two psychologists,
Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E.
McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on
gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences
each week, focusing on particular topics.
One group
wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A
second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them,
and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on
them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about
gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly,
they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who
focused on sources of aggravation.
Another
leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at
the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive
psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment
of writing about early memories. When their week’s assignment was to write and
personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly
thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge
increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other
intervention, with benefits lasting for a month.
Of course,
studies such as this one cannot prove cause and effect. But most of the studies
published on this topic support an association between gratitude and an
individual’s well being.
Other studies
have looked at how gratitude can improve relationships. For example, a study of
couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their
partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more
comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.
Managers who
remember to say “thank you” to people who work for them may find that those
employees feel motivated to work harder. Researchers at the Wharton School at
the University of Pennsylvania randomly divided university fund-raisers into
two groups. One group made phone calls to solicit alumni donations in the same
way they always had. The second group — assigned to work on a different day —
received a pep talk from the director of annual giving, who told the
fund-raisers she was grateful for their efforts. During the following week, the
university employees who heard her message of gratitude made 50% more
fund-raising calls than those who did not.
There are
some notable exceptions to the generally positive results in research on
gratitude. One study found that middle-aged divorced women who kept gratitude
journals were no more satisfied with their lives than those who did not.
Another study found that children and adolescents who wrote and delivered a
thank-you letter to someone who made a difference in their lives may have made
the other person happier — but did not improve their own well-being. This
finding suggests that gratitude is an attainment associated with
emotional maturity.
Gratitude is
a way for us to appreciate what we have instead of always reaching for
something new in the hopes it will make us happier, or thinking we can’t
feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps us
refocus on what we have instead of what we lack. And, although it may feel
contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use
and practice.
Here are some
suggestions to cultivate gratitude on a regular basis:
Write a
thank-you note. You can make
yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a
thank-you letter expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s
impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if
possible.
Make a habit
of sending at least one gratitude letter a month. Once in a while, write one
to yourself.
Thank someone
mentally. No time to write? It may help
just to think about someone who has done something nice for you, and mentally
thank the individual.
Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a
habit to write down or share with a loved one, thoughts about the gifts you’ve
received each day.
Count your
blessings. Pick a time
every week to sit down and write about your blessings — reflecting on what went
right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number — such
as three to five things — that you will identify each week. As you write, be
specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened
to you.
Pray. Anyone can use prayer
to cultivate gratitude.
Meditate. Mindfulness meditation involves
focusing on the present moment without judgment. Although people often focus on
a word or phrase (such as “peace”), it is also possible to focus on what you’re
grateful for (the warmth of the sun, a pleasant sound, etc.).
This week try with me this awesome gratitude experiment. Let it be an exploration into how well we express gratitude in our lives and
where there is room for improvement. We are all works in progress after all!
This Thanksgiving week let me just
express my gratitude to you. Thank you for caring about what I have to say, for listening to the podcast and
joining me in trying to make this world a little happier and healthier. I am
grateful for you.
Namaste.
Here is a Simple Gratitude
Meditation:
Find a comfortable seat with the
spine elongated.
Notice the body and the external
sensations, temperature of the air, noises in distance and nearby.
Take some long slow deep breaths
through the nose.
Make the exhale longer than the
inhale and hold at bottom.
Be grateful for this breath.
Experiencing gratitude connects us
with the heart and the present moment.
Inviting sensations of gratitude
allows for happiness.
Notice the heartbeat and be
grateful for each one.
Bring awareness to the eyes and
appreciate the ability to see the beauty of life.
Notice the ears and the sounds that move us
and cheer us and motivate us.
Appreciate the mouth and tongue for the ability
to taste every amazing flavor that food has to offer.
Feel the breath as it enters the nose that allows for this
smooth comforting breath and the ability to experience the aroma of food,
freshly folded laundry, the sweetness of a baby.
Check in with the body and notice
if there has been a shift as we have moved into a more grateful state.
Observe this state being aware
that everything is impermanent and states do change but we can always drop back
into this place of gratitude with as little effort as one conscious breath.
Enjoy this moment of gratitude for
as long as you wish and then go on about your day.
I learned something while teaching #yoga this morning. I clench. I do. I clench my abs, my butt, my shoulders. I do it unconsciously which is worse. It's probably why my neck hurts a lot. Duh. There is a time for bracing and a time to be soft and let go. For example, in crow pose we need to use the core, engaging the muscles to protect the lower back. But in savasana, the final resting pose, it's time to release and just let go. During the holidays and during busier times of stress, it's easy to clench, walking around with tight butts, necks and shoulders. But it's not necessary. It's not good for us either. Clenching can activate the sympathetic nervous system - the fight or flight response. The body braces for action, increasing heart rate, breathing comes faster, adrenaline is released into the system, digestion is inhibited. So today in class we practiced appropriate clenching or firming of the muscles. And appropriate softening. That's what I love about yoga. It's a practice for everyday life. May you find #peace this #holiday season and let go when it is appropriate. And may you find a good yoga class in the new year smile emoticon By the way, this Friday on the podcast, we're also practicing softening; softening our hearts to those who may be struggling during this season of joy. There is a time to be tough with family and friends facing #addiction, but there is also real value in softening. You'll see.
