The Greatest of These: A Wedding Sermon on Love

 Can we possibly learn enough about love? 

Much has been written about love; the different kinds of love, for example, romantic love (eros), friendly love (philia), and unconditional love (agape). Love’s even been extensively researched from physical, psychological, and social perspectives. The Greater Good Science Center has come up with a broad definition of love as “a deep, unselfish commitment to another person’s well-being—even to the point of putting another’s interests before your own.”[1]

But this is probably my favorite: A reporter asked a group of children ages 4-8 about love, and this is what they came up with:

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

Love, as Noelle, Age 7 says… “is what makes your eyelashes go up and down and little stars to come out of you.”

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then, when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together, and you talk more. Emily – age 8[2]

I wonder, can we really understand love? I mean, really?  Doesn’t love often seem like such a chance thing? 

One thing I am certain about is that love is a gift. 

And today, we rejoice with you for this gift of love, a sacred gift to be cherished and nourished and protected. 

 

Your love is downright poetic.

 

And so, it is only fitting that you have chosen to share the words from the Song of Solomon, one of the all-time most beautiful and passionate depictions of love. And yes, it is in the Bible:

“My beloved speaks and says to me: 
‘Arise, my love, my fair one, 
and come away... 

 

These verses are not only gorgeous poetry, they are also a promise. They remind us that love is God’s gift to us—an inexplicable force that can break down walls and call us to be the best versions of ourselves. 

 

This marriage you are entering simply provides a worldly container for what is otherwise a very otherworldly phenomenon: an irrational, seemingly happenstance, mysterious affection between two people we humans dare to try to codify and classify.

It is truly a gift that you found one another; companions to laugh with, to share the journey and the seasons of life. 

There is power in this love.

The Song of Solomon is not shy about the power of love. 

 

“Set me as a seal upon your heart,” the poet writes,
as a seal upon your arm; 
for love is strong as death, 
passion fierce as the grave. 
Its flashes are flashes of fire, 
a raging flame. 
Many waters cannot quench love, 
neither can floods drown it.” 
(Song of Solomon 8:6-7)

 

It does seem right and good that we couple. While life can be unpredictable, and so many things can seem out of our control, God promises to be with us whenever two or more are gathered (Mt. 18:20). You will be reminders of this mysterious holy presence for one another.

By choosing to commit to one another in holy matrimony, emphasis on holy, you have actually decided to leave as little as possible to chance. This act, this holy act of commitment before beloved friends and family and before God, is real – and you’ve got the paperwork to prove it! It’s intentional. And it’s a bold act of faith.

Let’s face it, to love at all is an act of faith in an uncertain and impermanent world. A commitment like this one takes faith and challenges it to go deeper by grounding it in the nitty-gritty realities of everyday life. 

Marriage is the real love laboratory. You’ll be doing your own research every day from now on. That’s why I ask everyone I marry to call me in ten years to let me know how you are doing it. I want to know. We all want to know.

Life can be hard on love.

You two get this. I know you do. 

Today, as you say your vows, you are not only promising to love each other just as you are, but also as you will become. You are choosing to be each other’s home, each other’s safe haven, one another’s greatest advocate and friend. From this day forward, there is a kind of invisible seal upon your hearts, but also a very visible sign of goodness and hope in this new family, this bond you have created. 

The world needs your love. Your courage to claim and celebrate your partnership is a testament that God’s love is real. You two remind us, as St. Paul writes, that “the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor. 13:13). 

So, let your love be strong and tender, rational and real. Let it be poetic and playful, powerful and protective. Let it be bold and brave, but give it breathing space. Most importantly, let your love be a reflection of God, Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer; the One who is Love; that ineffable Holy mystery that delights in all the music and the messes you will make together. May your love continue to grow and flourish, may your eyelashes continue to flutter, and little stars come out of you…

 And may the gift of love, sealed this day upon each of your hearts, be a blessing to you and to the world—this day and always. Amen. 

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[1] “What Is Love? Scientists Have Answers—But They Don’t All Agree,” Greater Good, accessed October 20, 2025, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_is_love_scientists_have_answersbut_they_dont_all_agree.

[2] Ladan Lashkari, “What Does Love Mean? See How 4-8 Year-Old Kids Describe Love, by Ladan Lashkari | DailyGood,” accessed October 20, 2025, https://www.dailygood.org/story//what-does-love-mean-see-how-4-8-year-old-kids-describe-love-ladan-lashkari/.

Questions

Empathy is the engine that powers all the best in us.

~~Meryl Streep

💛

1.     What is your favorite word?
2.     What is your least favorite word?
3.     What turns you on?
4.     What turns you off?
5.     What sound or noise do you love?
6.     What sound or noise do you hate?
7.     What is your favorite curse word?
8.     What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9.     What profession would you not like to do?
10.   If heaven exists, what do you hope to hear God say as you enter the pearly gates?

Here's one more question: What television show from the past do you miss the most?

Inside the Actors Studio was a brilliant show. It provided viewers with a deep insight into the motivations and characters of some of the most interesting actors of our time. The previous questions asked by the host, James Lipton, were modeled after the (Marcel) Proust questionnaire, a Victorian-era parlor game that might just be fun to resurrect today.
Each extensive Inside interview covered different roles and experiences to such a deep extent that the actors, no doubt, felt thoroughly seen, known, and understood, for better or for worse.

At the conclusion of each show, acting students from Pace University were given the opportunity to ask their own questions. In one episode from years ago, Actress Diane Lane was asked by a student to discuss how her Christian faith has influenced her acting. Lane’s answer was both compelling and sad for this new priest.

Lane spoke about her faith and her father’s influence on her theological exploration. Her father, she explained, encouraged Lane to have a mind of her own, and thus she came to her own sense of the spiritual, shunning the patriarchal tenets of traditional Christian doctrine and dogma, opting instead for a more expansive and inclusive moral and ethical framework, one that allowed her to fully embrace the inherent complexities in every character she played.

And the Best Actor Goes to... 

What feels ironic for me is that the Jesus I know would likely agree with Diane Lane's opinions of Christianity today. Just as the best actors, I believe, come to love the characters they play, finding aspects of their own soul inside the skin of whoever they are currently tasked to inhabit, true followers of Christ practice a similar form of empathy. 

What’s sad about Lane’s answer is that Christ, during his time on earth, demonstrated this very ability – the ability to enter into the life of each human he encountered and empathically respond to their unique individual needs. It's fascinating to watch really talented actors build relationships with their own characters and others through understanding. Similarly, for Jesus, relationships were everything. Even as he was dying on a cross, he was able to tap into the deepest fears of the so-called “least of these.” Christ would have made an excellent actor.

I wonder how Diane Lane would answer this young student’s question today. My hope is that she has since had the opportunity to learn more about Jesus’ life and real teachings about love, acceptance, inclusion, and justice. My hope is that more people come to know the radical nature of the love that Christ embodied.

My hope is that all who desire to be Christ followers will embrace the role fully, learning about the genuine teachings of Jesus, who walked this earth as one of us, Jesus who calls us today to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and to love our neighbors as ourselves, embodying compassion, forgiveness, and justice in all we do (Matthew 22:36-40; BCP, 851).

Questions?