Laughter as Medicine

Want the change

by Rainer Maria Rilke

English version by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy

Want the change. Be inspired by the flame
where everything shines as it disappears.
The artist, when sketching, loves nothing so much
as the curve of the body as it turns away.

What locks itself in sameness has congealed.
Is it safer to be gray and numb?
What turns hard becomes rigid
and is easily shattered.

Pour yourself out like a fountain.
Flow into the knowledge that what you are seeking
finishes often at the start, and, with ending, begins.

Every happiness is the child of a separation
it did not think it could survive. And Daphne, becoming
a laurel,
dares you to become the wind.

This morning as my chair yoga class at the Florence Bain Center in Columbia finished savasana and gently drew their hands to their hearts into prayer to whisper the closing “Namaste”, I was overcome with emotion. These seniors who show up to practice yoga, despite their physical and cognitive limitations, have taught me much more than I could ever teach them.

Many of them battle pain, depression, chronic illness, and the challenges that come with aging, yet they make their way to our sweet sacred circle every week to breathe and move their bodies; to practice yoga together.

Today we practiced laughter yoga. It was a bit of a risk for me, a relatively new yoga teacher. I have been teaching for three years in Howard County. I never thought I’d be teaching seniors. I started teaching because I really believe in the healing benefits of yoga, having experienced them myself. Years ago, after the death of my six-year-old daughter Meghan, yoga was a practice that helped get me through the grieving process. I wrote about it in my book, Back to Happy. The physical practice, the meditation, and the opportunity to slow down were saving graces for me as I faced the difficult task of learning to accept that my daughter was gone.

When I introduced the idea of laughter yoga, I wasn’t sure how it would go over. With a couple of the students in wheelchairs, there are always modifications to the traditional poses that need to happen. But this was something altogether new for this brave class that typically ranges in age from 72 to 92. They are usually pretty game for my antics, but still, I had apprehension about trying something so new and different.

One of the chapters in my book Back to Happy is all about acceptance. Losing a child is hard to accept. Darn near impossible to be more precise. In those early days, months, and even years, I looked for almost any way to avoid the reality of her loss. I kept myself impossibly busy; too busy to think, too busy to breathe, too busy to hear the beating of my broken heart.

The class started with a “pranayama” exercise I called Ha Ha Hee Hee Hee, which we chanted for several rounds. By the end, a few students were smiling as I suggested they close their eyes and notice the effects of the exercise. We deepened and slowed our breath and sat in silence together, enjoying a short meditation. That went well, I thought to myself. Maybe this will work after all.

In another chapter of my book, I wrote about the day I learned to surrender. I had been trying to go on with life, being a mommy to my other two young children while deeply missing my daughter Meghan. The sadness was affecting me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I didn't know what to do anymore. I had reached the bottom I suppose. That day, it was afternoon as I recall, I got down on my knees in my living room and cried out to God.

God and I had not exactly been on speaking terms after Meghan’s death. I was brought up in the Episcopal church, a generic enough religion. I knew all the proper prayers. They just weren't getting me anywhere. Until that day in my living room when, in desperation, I let down my armor and told God out loud that I couldn’t do this alone and I really, really, really could use a hand. 

After our meditation, the class loosened up a bit with some gentle neck stretches in preparation for phase two of laughter yoga. The next part of my little experiment involved an invisible telephone which we held up to our ears. Then we imagined that we had just been told the funniest joke ever over that phone. These obliging, funny, enthusiastic yogis went for it! They started with small chuckles which soon grew into roaring laughter. As they looked at one another their laughter became contagious. They kept it going for several minutes until this group of around ten sounded like an audience at a comedy show. One yogi snorted (or maybe that was me). When we finished our laughter yoga, all of us closed our eyes and observed the physical, chemical, and emotional changes that we knew were going on inside.

I thought I learned a lot from my grief journey, and surely I did. I never dreamed I would be teaching yoga to the senior population. The honor of teaching this courageous group of souls has given me much more than I ever expected, certainly much more than I give to them. I'm pretty sure it was a God thing.

Happiness is an inside job. Life is hard and if we’re lucky, we have the privilege of getting old.

To do this life thing well, we’ve got to keep moving and breathing and loving one another. 

I am still on my journey back to happy and grateful to be on it with this fantastic and incredibly wise group of yogis.

Namaste,

Connie Bowman

Connie Bowman is an actress, voice-over talent, yoga teacher, and author of Back to Happy, a Journey of Hope, Healing and Waking Up, and a new children's book entitled There's an Elephant in My Bathtub. For more info: www.conniebowman.com

Ego and Soul

If you fall I will catch you. I will be waiting. Time after time.
~~Cyndi Lauper

The leaves are beginning to change. Already. And I have a summer cold.

One is asking me to move forward, to do something. The other is forcing me to slow down, be still. 

Changes of season can be challenging. New allergens in the air cause the respiratory system to adjust accordingly. Sometimes our systems balk at and try to resist this call to change. Our bodies attempt to rebelliously override the external change. 

Likewise, when our bodies ask us to slow down and take notice of an inflammation, an ache or a nose that runs like a leaky faucet,  I/we often want to ignore this invitation with things that mask the symptoms, like lozenges or drugs. We can be feisty, we humans.

What if we paid attention to both and allowed movement and stillness to happen together?

How could that possibly work?

Our ego is the part of us that wants to prove something. “We got this!” “We’re better than the other guy.” “We’re special.” Our souls are our eternal guides, our protector, our connection to our divinity.

Both of these guys are part of us. The ego keeps us alive here on this 3D Planet of density and danger and drama. It pushes us forward through the muck, reminds us to duck under a big wave and notices and is sometimes drawn into the storms of life as the drama reinforces the ego’s hold on this reality. I loved Wayne Dyer's acronym for the ego. It was Edging God Out.

The soul, however, is the true captain of our ship. The soul was there before we were born into this world and will still be when we leave this body. The soul wants us to succeed but not always in the same way the ego wants to get things done. The soul knows the big picture and steers us toward our highest good always. 

Why then don’t we always listen to our soul's calling?

We don’t listen because often we cannot hear the voice of our soul over the loud voice of the ego. The ego is that annoying guy at the bar who has had one too many. He wants to be heard and, dammit he will, even if he offends everyone in the place.

The soul is more soft and quiet. The soul works in kairos rather than chronos time and sees no need to rush. The soul will wait until the ego quiets down, often after deep disappointment, humiliation or perceived defeat.

We can practice movement and stillness together on the yoga mat. As we move our bodies we can slow down our breath and listen, letting go of the need to perfect any pose and really listening to what the body wants. (Maybe it’s to slow down and be still in child’s pose.) We can move and we can listen for that still small voice of the soul. When we do this we unite the soul and ego. The ego can relax it’s hold and feel secure in the knowledge that soul has the wheel. The ship will be safely steered to harbor. 

Waves will undoubtedly rock us but we need not fear. This is union. This is yoga.

What if I/we allowed the ego to rest in the soul and let the soul steer our course from here on in? How would it change things if the ego only moved in service of the soul?

Good questions to ask as we move through the seasons of life. Good questions to ask when we have a late summer cold. 

Achoo! 

Bless you!

Connie

XO🙏

Connie Bowman is an actress, voiceover talent, yogi, podcast host, and author of Back to Happy, a Journey of Hope, Healing and Waking Up, available on Amazon and other book retailers. For more information about Connie visit www.conniebowman.com.

Our Sacred Gardens

My garden, newly planted.

My friend Christina has a beautiful vegetable garden that she and her husband built a couple of years ago. She enjoys growing and sharing beautiful flowers and gorgeous veggies and fruits from the Spring to the end of Fall. I visited her garden when it had just been built. I am not gonna lie. I had full-out garden envy. Check out a HHY! podcast about the upside of envy here.

Lettuce, beans and zucchini

Several weeks after I had built and planted my raised bed garden Christina and her husband came for a visit. I showed her my basil and rosemary, my zucchini, beans and cucumbers, kale and tomatoes.

Several weeks later...

She gave me the gardener's green thumbs up. She agreed with me that I may have over-zealously planted my tomatoes too close together and I had possibly more zucchini than I could ever eat or manage to give away. Encouraging me, she told me to “just let it go and see what happens.” This advice sat well with me. It felt like freedom. I had planted some seeds and I had permission from my garden guru to let my first attempt at gardening be just what it is. I could tend to it gently and observe and learn what it had to teach me.

So I tended to my little garden for a month or two, loving it gently, lightly weeding and pruning here and there, but mostly following my dear friend’s advice to “just let it go.” My zucchini was downright prolific. I made zucchini lasagna, ratatouille, baked zucchini, sautéed zucchini. I still need to make some bread. I used my kale in green smoothies. My basil was fragrant and delicious. My husband especially enjoyed the cucumbers, fresh and crisp and delicious. My garden experiment brought me great joy.

Gorgeous little village in Germany

Then we left for a two week summer vacation.

I asked two friends to help themselves to zucchini and cucumbers and keep an eye out for my soon-to-peak tomato plants. I felt good about my garden and tried to relax about letting someone else be in charge.

Vacations can be both wonderful and discombobulating.

It’s great to get away, refresh and see new things. It’s hard to come back to what you have to catch up with. Life moves forward. Bills need to be paid, gardens need to be tended.

I came home from our wonderful European vacation to my tomato plants all a tangled mess with tomatoes busting out all over and weighing the vines down. Some were buried under the twisted mess and unable to receive sunshine necessary for ripening. Even though I had a couple of people helping tend my garden while I was away, nobody really cares for your garden like you do. I like to keep things tidy and organized and pruned, caring for issues as they come up and not letting them get too far out of hand. It’s a control thing with me. It’s just the way I roll. Recalling my friend’s wise counsel, I decided to be OK with it. I was “letting it go” after all.

Whoa!

This is true of most things in my life. I am a 3 on the Enneagram, and an oldest child. I like balance. I like neat and tidy. Clutter and disharmony really throw me off center. So vacations, while fun, are often challenging. 

There are some things in life that, despite our best intentions, just get out of hand. We gain a few pounds, we have more week left at the end of our money, we lose touch with friends from our past. We “let things go” and it doesn’t feel so good. 

Over in Europe we saw so many old cities with buildings, beautiful architecture, that had been carefully designed and maintained. It’s amazing to see those giant cathedrals still standing after thousands of years. Every small village or community has a church. The scenery in the country was breathtaking and the cities were each individual reflections of how they were tended for through years of plague, famine, war, prosperity and abundance. 

It was interesting to see how the city centers were unique. Some were cleaner, designed for walking and gathering and more focused on community, the arts and beauty. Others, were more commercial, less beautiful. The more “commercial” looking cities seemed to have more homelessness and poverty.  

 Budapest Cathedral

We learned what was important to the ruling class and the people by noting what was rebuilt quickly after WW II. In Passau, Germany, for example, they rebuilt the brewery that had been bombed post-haste.

What is sacred and what is not is a question I often ponder. Aren’t we all sacred? Isn’t everything really sacred? Everything. My tomato plants were sacred from the beginning when they were tiny and all full of potential. They were just tiny green orbs when I left for vacation. Aren’t they equally sacred now that they are all twisted and gnarly and weighted down and separated from the light?

Passau, Germany

Some of the huge cathedrals we visited in Europe were created to be sacred for sure. But some were incredibly ornate, busy and pretentious. I can only imagine how small and insignificant people must have felt when they entered those grand doors. These great churches, meant to be a tribute to the Creator, oftentimes cast a large shadow on the very cities they were built to serve.

Made me think about what God was saying to herself watching humans create these giant structures, these villages, towns and cities. 

“Hmmm, well now…Let’s just let this go and see what they do with this,” I imagine.

We grow and we tend and we let things go. We destroy the very things that were created to be sacred. We hurt one another. 

And God…

She watches. And waits for us to invite her into our creation.

My little garden experiment was fun and instructive. In letting it go and observing the nature of creation I learned some things.

1. Creation is good. Creation is of God. We might make mistakes but it's OK. It doesn't make us bad, just human.
2. Nature’s nature is to grow towards the light
3. We need good soil, water, sunshine (and a village) to successfully grow our garden.
4. To flourish it is necessary to clear away obstacles to the light.
5. The fruits of creation are for our own nourishment and enjoyment.
6. Sharing our abundance with others feels good

Yes, we are all sacred beings in a world that often seems desecrated, overgrown, gnarly. But if everything is sacred, perhaps starting small, pruning excess, and paying attention moment by moment is really enough. We are all created to create something, be it a large cathedral or a tiny garden, a poem, a play, a podcast, or a cure for cancer. It’s all sacred. It’s all good.  Try planting a seed,  “letting it go” and watch the magic happen!

Look out my maters. Mama’s coming.

Connie Bowman is an actress, author, yoga instructor and now a proud gardener. For more visit www.conniebowman.com.

Fixer Upper Obsession Confession

I have to confess, Sundays at my house are awesome because I can watch episode after episode of Chip and Joanna Gaines on HGTV’s Fixer Upper. I have seen most of them already but I don’t care. I still love watching those two with their cute relationship and adorable kids. One Sunday recently I even caught my husband smiling at Chip’s lively antics. He actually sat and watched a few episodes alongside me on the sofa. When I found out the show was coming to an end it was a very dark day for me.

Why do we love this show so much? I suggest it might run deeper than we realize. It might even be deeply unconscious. (Or it could just be a fun show, but stay with me, will you?)

We know Chip and Joanna have strong Christian faith and values. They have a foundation that keeps their marriage strong and their family first even with the predictable trials that come with relatively fast fame. Our culture is crazy about celebrity, have you noticed? I wonder if secretly we are waiting for them to implode. Gosh, I hope not. And beneath that, are we all really longing for a sweet dream team like this to come in and rebuild our lives, bring out our highest potential, our inner beauty. Deeper still, are we all diamonds in the rough longing for our own personal “big reveal” but we just don't know how to get there?

My best friends Chip and Jo

Work with me here.  I’ll try to explain how Fixer Upper is much more than just a waste of a Sunday on the sofa. 

Fixer Upper always starts with choosing the home. Which home is in the best neighborhood? On the best piece of land? Which has the best price per square foot and for the amount of work needed? 

Similarly, I often wonder if our souls have a say in the bodies we incarnate into. Do you ever wonder that? Do we look for just the right circumstances to do the work of the advancement of the soul and then we jump in with fingers crossed hoping we are up to the job. Of course then we forget that that happened and then it is up to us to remember (or re-member). 

Life can be tough on this planet of density and our spirits and bodies can take a beating.  Gravity is real. After a certain amount of time we could all use a little fixer upper.

Is there a habit or an unhealthy choice you would like to rid yourself of? Is there a thought or a particular desire that is recurrent in your life? Is there a tightness in the body or pain that would benefit from stretching? What is holding you back from living the life you yearn to live? Is there a new focus you are considering? Are you satisfied with your social life, your friends and family relationships? How is your spiritual life? Are you praying for guidance, meditating, reflecting on your life within a higher context? Are you willing to take one or all of these on? If so, let’s keep watching…

Joanna's designs are light-filled and inspired.

Once the house is chosen, Joanna’s work begins. Joanna’s visions for dilapidated homes are awe inspiring to say the very least. She can walk into a room and quickly see where walls need to come down, and windows need to be added to let more light into the space. She determines where the family will be spending most of their time together (aka the heart) in their new home and makes those areas comfortable and special. She takes her inspiration to paper (or laptop using fancy design software) and presents it to the homeowners and together they fashion old home into new by laying out the plan so that all, the homeowners and their crew, can see the vision that initially came through Joanna.

We all love Chip Gaines’ fun-loving personality, but especially on demo day. He comes to the job with his mighty sledgehammer and that now famous devilish gleam in the eye and proudly announces “Its demo day!” Then the fun begins. He rips out walls with such passion and fervor. It makes me want to knock down a wall or two myself.

Where could you knock down a wall in your life? Could you make space for a window to let in more light? Are there old outdated ways of thinking that could be replaced with fresh new insights?

Demo day is hard work. It looks hard on Fixer Upper even though it is over in a matter of minutes. It’s probably more likely than not that Chip and his crew get banged up a bit while ripping the houses apart. But the payoff, the reveal of that brand spanking new gorgeous home for the family, is what it’s all about and they keep their goal in mind always.

When the walls are down, it’s time to rebuild the interior of the home. The foundation and framing are all important. If a wall is removed that houses a support beam, that must be taken into account and somehow accommodated for. New supports must be put into place, sometimes requiring original plans to be amended. Good plans are essential for staying on budget and on schedule, but flexibility is important as well.

Is your foundation strong? What are your core beliefs and values? Where do they come from? Good questions to ask yourself.  What is your framework like? Is there a strong well-built support system that surrounds you? We’re talking about your shelter through the storms of life after all. If you have little or no external support, where could you find it? Church, synagogue, community groups, friends and relatives?

Once the structure is sound and the house is built, the decorating begins. Joanna skillfully weaves into the design beauty, serenity and comfort with her southern style and creates a haven for each of the families she and Chip serve. And they are serving, make no mistake about that. Their full attention is given to creating the home that best fits the lifestyle and happiness of each family. They certainly make service look fun, creative and profitable.

Then comes the big reveal. I love how they first show what the home looked like before they excitedly ask the couple “Are you ready to see your Fixer Upper?” They remind them what the old house was like before. When they roll back the old house, the new one is revealed and the couple is overjoyed with the results. More often than not, there are tears. 

Why do we love this stuff so much? Hard-won rebirth and renewal can be emotional.

Through the tender love and care of Chip and Joanna, a house that was once a rundown eye-sore, becomes a gorgeous home for a family to live in for years to come. 

Our own spiritual growth is a lot like this, although nothing happens in an hour, commercial breaks included. Progress is slow and subtle and requires patience and tenacity. Much like construction, it is hard work. It requires a willingness to let go of what is no longer serving us. This can be really difficult. Unexpected things can happen during our reconstruction. We  get side-tracked, discouraged, or bored. It helps to have a good sense of humor like Chip and a visionary like Joanna on your team. We don’t want to go it alone if we can help it.

Where in your life could you use a little fixer upper? In your health? Limited ways of thinking? Your spiritual growth?

Your yoga, meditation and spiritual practices can help you uncover places that are ready to be refurbished. Life is about flow and we must keep moving in the direction God wants for us which is always for our highest good. Don’t be afraid to take a look around. Make a plan for yourself. Check your foundation for cracks and firm up your supports. Bust down some walls, add more light, clean up your mess, set your beautiful table like Jo always does and  then serve yourself some beauty with a heaping helping of gratitude. Then relax and sit a spell. The hard work is done for now. 

Bravo HGTV for finding and sharing this dear and delightful couple with us. I’m gonna miss Chip and Joanna and Fixer Upper. You?

Connie Bowman is an actress, author, host of the podcast Happy Healthy You! and yoga teacher who teaches at various places around Howard County, MD. For more about her visit www.conniebowman.com.

What We Can Live With

When we accept that we are not in control of the bigger picture and just take care of our end of the bargain, which is to live every day in alignment with our soul, now that's a big game changer.  ~~Back to Happy

This past weekend my family gathered to celebrate my Mom’s birthday. It was fun. After Dad sang the first “happy”, determining the key, I chimed in with my own “happy”, a third up, followed by my baby brother who completed the chord. We sang our family’s traditional five part harmony rendition, full-out and with gusto. Mom blew out the candle, making her 79th birthday wishes.

Next we played a little improv game in honor of the birthday girl and her very long and full life. No rules, we were to just add as we felt so moved to the phrase “Grammy is…” or “Mom is…” or “Sonia is…” My niece started out with “Grammy is back rubs and foot rubs by the fire.” Everyone added their sentiments. Some were sweet and sentimental, some funny, some referenced memories and experiences and as we got going, we got more specific and so many memories popped up for us of times spent with our wife, mother, grandmother, mother-in-law. We laughed a lot. We reminisced a lot. We were grateful for this woman who had cared so well and nurtured us all.

This trip down memory lane led to a conversation about what to do with all of the photos we have stored. Also, what to do about the photos we no longer print, those that are on our phones, in our computers, on Facebook and Instagram. Should we find ways to save them for posterity or is what we are doing enough?

I like, strike that - love to be organized, and I am not gonna lie, thinking about this caused the OCD in me to rise right on up to the surface. We have probably thousands of photos in our storage room crammed into see-through plastic bins. Each of my children has their own storage chest for their most important memories.There are also photo albums from childhood, from theatre work I have done, from our wedding and more. My husband seems to be able to live with this dis-order. Me, not so much.

When Meghan, our six year old daughter died in 1991 I remember wishing I had more photos of her. She was in kindergarten when she passed and the school had just taken the Spring photos. Not really liking her photo, I bought the economy pack with just a few pictures. Once we gave them to family, there were only a couple left for us. Looking back, I regret having been cheap. I wish I had bought the most expensive package with magnets, mugs and whatever else was available with her picture. Bad decision on my part but one I had to live with. Consequently, from that point on I bought the fattest, most expensive packages of school portraits and I save every photo with a reverence that borders on hoarding. I just can’t bring myself to let any of them go.

So when my sister posed this question yesterday I got to thinking about it. I went downstairs to the storage room and reached for a random pile of photos, took them upstairs to my bedroom and laid them out on the carpet. It was quiet and I was alone so I spoke aloud a prayer over the photos. I closed my eyes and got still for a few moments. When I opened my eyes, the piles of photos lay there waiting.

I began to organize them. I spread them out and looked at each one. There were black and white photos taken by my grandfather Bo, an accomplished photographer who was never without a camera.There were baby photos, elementary school photos, wedding photos, photos of me with friends from high school and college, photos of my children; all three of them.

As I attempted to create my own version of order with the photos a sudden revelation came to me. I was dividing and organizing the photos into before Meghan’s death, my time with my two girls and, after Meghan’s death, my time with Caroline and Bobby, our son who was born not long after. The arrangement of the photos clearly delineated these periods of my life. They also revealed to me that there was still healing left to be done. My photo organizing was now becoming a sacred task. 

Because I want to be whole and fully human on this Earth for the rest of the time I am here, I knew I needed to spend some time reflecting on my life and grieving process. I write about such a reflection process in my journal Gratitude, Grace and God Things available on Amazon. It’s a method of coming to new understandings of circumstances and how God is always working in our lives, even when we might not feel a trace of holy presence. As I worked my way through a reflection, asking for guidance and illumination, I looked down at the photos again.

Soon I was rearranging the photos as tears welled in my eyes. I saw the whole of my life to this point right there on my bedroom carpet. I was a happy baby, reclining back on a blanket, a bottle in my mouth, an awkward lanky frizzy haired teenager. I saw myself as a college student, all full of confidence and excitement for what was yet to come. I was a bride and a daughter of two awesome parents. And then I was a Mom of one, Meghan, who gave me that first real inkling of what loving another with a whole heart was about. Then came Caroline and I was a Mom of two, full heart for sure and so grateful for her health and spunky spirit. There was a short period when Caroline was an only child. Funny, I didn’t grab any photos of that time, that sad sad period. I do have them - somewhere in one of those plastic bins. Then Bobby was born and the family changed again. As I looked at the photos that reflected the new phase, I could feel the joy that overlapped the grief.

I began mixing the photos and disorganizing them. I could see that this life, this complicated life, is like one big photo collage encompassing joy, pain, fear, boredom, despair and so on, to varying degrees throughout our time here. Smiling faces tell lies, as the song goes.

I learned from my photo organizing that life is disorganized. We might have pictures scattered about and stored away here, there, heck maybe everywhere. It’s OK. Life’s not always neat and tidy. 

As I sat on the floor with my photo collage in front of me, In my mind I heard clearly the words “…Lo I am with you always.” That I can live with.

Connie Bowman is an actress, author of the book Back to Happy and host of the podcast Happy Healthy You! Join us on our Facebook page for podcasts, more info about living a whole life in mind body and spirit and even special offers like podcast sponsor Blue Planet Eyewear offering 20% off purchases with Code: Connie20. Click here for their site.