Seven Tips for Stressful Times

We’ve all been there. There can be days and weeks when the stress of life bears down on us for whatever reason. We lose our healthy routines at these times out of choice and sometimes necessity.  Even taking a vacation and other happy occasions like weddings can knock us temporarily out of balance. It’s life my friends and it can be difficult. But with a little planning and awareness - nothing crazy, we can learn to surf the waves of life with grace and ease.

Recently I very suddenly became caregiver to a family member after a surgery. I needed to be there round the clock to administer medications, prepare food, even help with dressing and bathing. I cleared my schedule and mentally prepared for the task. I confess though that I was surprised to find that at the end of the two weeks I was exhausted, hadn't eaten a decent meal in days and really needed a run! I didn't have the luxury of time to plan for my own self care. During this short period when I was caring for my loved one there was little time for me. It was reminiscent of having a newborn. I got little sleep, had to plan to get a shower, and my eating and exercise routines went by the wayside. This was my choice to take on this task, and it was a joy, but still it was a stressful time.

A few months back I worked on a film for a few weeks. If you have ever worked on a film set you know that days start early and there can be a lot of tension. There is an effort to get things done well and in short time and there are a lot of strong personalities on the scene with different jobs to do. Everyone wants to do their job well and sometimes tempers can be short. Here again, I needed to adjust my regular daily healthy routines to make space for this creative and challenging opportunity. 

These are just two examples of situations where self care became important to me so that I could maintain my energy and focus during challenging situations. I realize that there are more dramatic and serious things. We are deployed, face life threatening illness, loss…But what I am suggesting here is a plan for the more common events that come up during a full life that require us to step it up for a time.

How do we stay in balance when under short term pressure and stress? It takes a little awareness and planning but we can do it. Here’s my recipe for thriving during challenging times:

1. Sleep when you can. Sleep allows the body and mind to come back to it’s factory settings. Get it while you can. Conversely, don’t stress over losing a few hours. It happens.

2. Keep your meals simple but healthy. This is no time to let go of your healthy eating plan that includes lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. (Nor is it a time to start that new diet!) Try to eat at regular intervals to keep your blood sugar levels consistent and your mind sharp.

3. Drink plenty of water. It might seem like a no-brainer, but sometimes we forget about water. Hydration keeps the body and the brain functioning at optimum levels.


4. Move the body at every opportunity, especially if you are temporarily sedentary. Even seated,  you can flex and point the toes, lift the arms and stretch to the side, fold over your legs and find an inversion, twist from side to side. Get up and walk around, out-of-doors if possible. If available, find a yoga video like this one and practice.

5. Find moments to just be. Close the eyes and notice the sounds and smells around you. Feel the body you inhabit. Notice the temperature of the air, the sensation of the fabric of the clothes on your skin. Bring your focus to the breath and slow it down. Try to make your inhales and exhales about the same length. Feel the breath fill up every nook and cranny of the body, replenishing and rejuvenating the cells of the organs, muscles, blood and brain.  For a sweet eight minute centering practice, click here.

6. Take a moment to cultivate gratitude. Pray a prayer of gratitude. Journal about everything you can possibly be grateful for, even if it is just the opportunity to take a deep cleansing breath. 

7. Ask for help. Lest you think otherwise, asking for help is a sign of strength and wisdom. Do it!

This is a simple list that is easily attainable for all of us during temporarily challenging situations. I’d love to hear your suggestions.

Namaste!
Connie

For more about Connie visit her website at www.conniebowman.com. Read her book, Back to Happy about her journey through grief after the loss of her daughter here: www.backtohappybook.com or on Amazon. Listen to the Happy Healthy You! podcast here: http://conniebowman.com/happyhealthyyou/

Grief and Spring

Grief cycles through our lives over and over. Or it should. We are asked to process all manner of grief during the course of a lifetime. There are deaths, divorces, job losses… What is the timetable for grief? How long should it take for it to run it’s course?

Every Spring, around this time, I am reminded of my daughter Meghan. In truth I am reminded of her daily, but especially this time of year as this was the time she went into the hospital and eventually died as a result of a routine procedure to evaluate her congenital heart disease. The familiar sadness overtakes me on these beautiful Spring days when the azaleas start to bloom. We had white ones by our front door and their fragrance comes back to me as I reflect on that day.  I remember that she ate frosted flakes very early that morning before we left. I recall putting a white flower in her hair that morning before we drove to the hospital. I remember that I took the wrong exit on my way to her appointment. So many memories seem frozen in time. Especially the last goodbye. 

While all of this is probably going to be with me for the remainder of my life, I am also aware that joy is present as well. Now, after so many years, I can remember the happiness that we felt on that drive together, singing and talking and laughing about wrong turns. I come across photos and kindergarten artwork and I can smile. The grief has processed but still there is a sad remembrance that visits me during this season of rebirth and renewal.

It’s kind of not fair, I think. Just as the weather is turning beautiful, here is this rising up of grief again. 

And yet, there is joy. There really is; as we plan a wedding and rejoice over new babies being born, as we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and graduations and sobriety and small seemingly unimportant everyday miracles. 

The coexistence of joy and sorrow is life. 

We come closer to our true nature when we accept this truth. Our true nature is that silent witness that observes the cycles of grief and joy. Our true nature knows what we need to gracefully flow through each passage of life.  Our true nature IS joy.

Christian mystic Thomas Merton writes:

 “At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will. This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God in us… It is like a pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely…I have no program for this seeing.  It is only given.  But the gate of heaven is everywhere.”

This makes it sound so glorious, no? In the throes of grief, I have longed for this precious awareness.

And yet it is right here in the heart of each of us. We need just to be still enough to notice.

In grieving my daughter I have come across many profound teachings. Many stand out, but one, in particular, author Caroline Myss on “woundology” and how we can get stuck in our grief and our wounds in almost an addictive way. She writes:

“We are not meant to stay wounded. We are supposed to move through our tragedies and challenges and to help each other move through the many painful episodes of our lives. By remaining stuck in the power of our wounds, we block our own transformation. We overlook the greater gifts inherent in our wounds--the strength to overcome them and the lessons that we are meant to receive through them. Wounds are the means through which we enter the hearts of other people. They are meant to teach us to become compassionate and wise.”

Compassionate and wise sounds good. But how do we mine for those gifts when we are so broken, so terribly sad?

From the yoga sutras of Patanjali we learn that yoga is the removing of the fluctuations of the mind. (Yogas chitta vritti nirodha). Yoga is the stilling of the mind until it rests in a state of total and utter tranquility – so that one experiences life as it is – as reality. We experience life through the clearest of lenses – lenses not colored by thoughts of good or bad, or mine or yours or even joy or suffering. When the fluctuations of the mind are totally removed, we are at one with everything. We have no separation from our inner divinity or the divine.

This is all good but we are human and we love, and so we grieve.

But to heal we must look to our true nature, our divinity, our source of that love, both human AND divine.

We can get still, we can move the best we can through cycles of grief as nature shows us ever changing seasons. And we can study and have compassion for ourselves and others. But most of all we can do our best to allow both sorrow and joy to remind us of our true divine nature until it blossoms forth, it’s fragrance wafting out from us to other grieving souls.

Namaste

For more about my grief journey: www.backtohappybook.com

Rest and Relaxation and Transitions

I slept until 11:30 this morning. (Please don’t judge me!) I cannot remember the last time I slept so late. I am used to my kids staying in bed longer than I thought was necessary, but not me.  I am usually bright eyed and bushy-tailed, arising with or before the sun. When I sat up in bed and looked at the clock I was shocked. My husband was long gone. All of my plans for the morning were shot. I thought, how in the world did that happen? But then I thought damn, I feel really well rested!

My body must have needed the extra rest. How often do we chastise ourselves for staying in bed a little longer or turning out the lights a little earlier than usual? Probably more often than not. Maybe our teens have the right idea after all.

When I looked back on my week I realized a lot had been crammed into a short amount of time. I had been on a week-long, fun-filled, action packed vacation to Arizona where I mountain biked, hiked and adjusted to a three hour time difference. Then I traveled home from the West Coast on Wednesday and jumped right back into my regular schedule starting Wednesday evening. Thursday I had a class to teach, Friday a lunch meeting and another two classes all on top of catching up with mail, bill paying, watering neglected house plants, etc. You get the idea. You know how it goes. 

Expanding out from there, I had just finished a major project; a film that was an amazing experience but required me to be up and out at dawn many days, prepared to perform a role that was demanding and at times difficult and very emotional. Looking at the bigger picture, we had just entered Spring, coming off a mostly mild Winter on the East Coast. Mild maybe, but still, changes of seasons are rites to be respected.

In a sense all changes are meant to be respected. But how often do we honor the many changes that happen in our lives? We blow through moves and divorces and job losses like they’re nothing, keeping up the frantic pace we’re used to, only to crash weeks later and wonder why.

I can’t help but feel that nature doesn't much like abrupt change. Think about the late snowfall we had on the East Coast which followed an unnaturally warm spell, causing trees and flowers to start blooming early, only to be shocked back into the cold the following week. In D.C. we worried about the Cherry Blossoms and whether their peak bloom date would be affected by the strange weather. But they did bloom and they are magnificent, despite everything they have been through.

I am just going to cut myself some slack for this morning’s indulgence. I hope you will do the same as we transition into this 2017 Spring. We’ve been through a lot these last several months. We all need to be kinder to ourselves during these times of change, whatever they may be. We will practice this ease of transition in yoga this week. 

Please join me for a yoga/meditation class when you can. We start tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM with Mindful Mondays at the North Laurel 50 Plus Center. It’s a sweet 45 minute meditation and yoga practice that will start your week with a gentle nudge and a sweet dose of mindfulness. Tuesdays we have Nightcap Yoga at Maple Lawn at 7:15 PM in the yoga room. Thursday I teach Yoga for Parkinson’s at 6:30 PM at the Florence Bain Center in Columbia. This is a donation based class and everyone is welcome. We have a sweet group of people who would love for you to join them whether you have Parkinson’s or are a caregiver. Friday evening I teach at 6:15 PM at St Matthews Orthodox Methodist Church in Columbia. We start with boot camp for 30 minutes and then go right into yoga for 45 minutes. It’s a fun combination and a great group of people. For more information and directions, see my website.

Happy Spring! and Namaste,

Connie

Cycles

Practice may not make us perfect but it sure helps to keep us in the game.

~~Me

One of the reasons I love yoga so much is  that it gives us (aka me) the opportunity to practice navigating the cycles that life finds us (me) in. We can cultivate grace and ease by moving our bodies to become more fluid and flexible. We can find an appreciation for the great teachers that our bodies really are by simply becoming aware of the breath, each round a cycle in itself. We notice when we try to hold onto the breath at the top of an inhale, there is only so long that we can do it before we must surrender and release. At the bottom of the exhale we can also pause to reflect on the quality of the last cycle before we prepare for the next inhale. And on it goes. 

Through the asanas (the poses) we can practice the larger cycles of life; birth, life, death and rebirth. From happy baby pose to Savasana in corpse pose, we rehearse so that when we move through the natural cycles and fluctuations of life we are prepared to sail smoothly from one to the other with a smile, knowing that each one will eventually end and transition into another.

“To focus solely on endings is to trade conclusions for the very beginnings that created them. And if this cycle should persist, we will likewise miss the beginning that will follow this ending.

~~ Craig D. Lounsbrough

It can be a great comfort in an uncertain world to know that these cycles repeat and continue, that all is really impermanent, as the buddha suggests - in the physical anyway. But why do we humans find the endings so hard to move through? 

Death being the biggie, when will we learn to gracefully navigate this one? In the middle ages with plagues and wars and mortality much more prevalent on the minds of the people, death was a regular topic of conversation. 

According to Christian tradition, the very purpose of life was to prepare for the afterlife by avoiding sin, performing good works, taking part in the sacraments, and keeping to the teachings of the church. Time was measured out in saint's days, which commemorated the days on which the holiest men and women had died. Easter, the holiest feast day in the Christian calendar, celebrated the resurrection of Christ from the dead. The landscape was dominated by parish churches - the centre of the medieval community - and the churchyard was the principal burial site. 

Even as recently as the late 19th century, the standard of life being much lower, people died at earlier ages. Our time on the planet was limited. Average life expectancy was just 48. During that era people talked much more openly about death. Queen Victoria influenced many with her obsessive grief over the loss of her husband Albert. 

Nowadays people can expect to live into their nineties and higher. Contemporary culture is not so apt to be sitting around a table talking about their mortality. But why not if it’s such a big part of this great life cycle we are all experiencing?

Think about the last time you had a conversation about death. I know, me neither.

In my Happy Healthy You! podcast with Marilyn Schlitz about her documentary Death Makes Life Possible with Deepak Chopra she posits that life is greatly enhanced by embracing the idea of our eventual demise. She studies different cultures where death is not such a taboo subject and each portion of the cycle is embraced with equal reverence. This mindset requires a certain spiritual appreciation of the mystery of the cycle itself, she suggests. 

We do not know where death awaits us, so let us wait for it everywhere. To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.

                    ~~Montaigne                                                 

Practice death you say? I know this sounds ridiculous, but stay with me here. If we are to live life to the fullest it is important to embrace every part of this great cycle that we are all in together. Here’s one idea. Take, for example, the past several days of beautiful weather we have been experiencing. How many of you wished for those 75 degree days to never end? 
I know, me too.

They were hard to let go of. I found myself outside most of the day last Friday. I became aware that I was practicing just what I am talking about. I knew this cycle would eventually come to an end so I was determined to be in every sweet, sunshiny, gorgeous blue sky, slightly breezy moment. My face got a little burnt that day but I did appreciate it right up until that sun tucked back in for the night. It was glorious and beautiful and spiritual. It was a practice of being in the moment and of letting go with grace and ease when it was over. Now, I am not saying I did that part perfectly. I did a little metaphorical kicking and screaming. But that’s why I practice.

Practice, whether yoga or meditation or mindfully appreciating a random gorgeous day, keeps us living full lives and reminds us to let go when it’s time, trusting that what’s coming next (and it’s a great mystery) is a part of a larger cycle that is bigger than we can conceptualize or ever attempt to control.

So take a deep inhale now and try to hold on for as long as you can. When it’s time,  gently release the breath. Pause here to reflect. Allowing the wisdom of the cycle to inform you, decide when it’s the right time to inhale again. Do it slowly and mindfully, with gratitude and awe and love.

Join me for a yoga practice this week. Here's where: http://conniebowman.com/yoga.php

Find my book Back to Happy here.

Look for the upcoming film Nothing to Do about making peace with death later this year. (I am in it!) Like it on Facebook here.

XO,

Connie

If I Had Waited for the Tide to Rise

   "Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.

   Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!           

         ~~Goethe

If I had waited for the tide to rise I would not have had to trudge through mud with my kayak in tow, fearing I would disappear deep into the cold mushy blackness beneath.

I admit there was a sinking suspicion.

Had I waited things might have been different. 

My feet would have stayed clean, dry and warm. 

The kayak would have glided smoothly across the water rather than getting stuck several times, forcing me to drag it through the mud to deeper depths.

Kayaks do not require deep water to float but any less than six or so inches is too shallow a depth. Boats gets stuck when water is too shallow.

It would have been easy to wait. The tide would come in as expected and deeper waters would have allowed me to easily launch.

But I have always been impatient. I wanted to be out on the water on this January 1 morning that was sunny and uncommonly warm. I wanted it - come heaven or low water. 

Sometimes we are forced to wait. 

We wait long months for babies to come into the world. We await the return of lovers from afar. We watch and wait as loved ones prepare to breathe their last breaths. We wait to receive news we would rather pretend we never heard. 

Had I waited things might have been easier, smoother, possibly perfect even.

Yet had I waited that January morning for the tide to rise I might have missed the chance to visit a distant shore to explore mysterious shiny objects washed up with the tide. 

I would have missed some precious and sacred moments.

The fallen pine that, having long ago lost its needles, has become an oyster tree. 

The pine cone, half its cones missing, yet somehow beautiful in its petrified blackness after resting for God knows how long under the water.

Silver and gold colored oyster like shells resembling angel wings.

The sparkling sunlight dancing on the surface of our beloved bay.

The placid splendor of the quiet morning mirrored in the stillness of the water.

For a brief moment I wondered what would happen if the tide did rise and swept away my boat and I was stranded on that island all alone. What then?

Yes, I could have waited. I could have waited and things could have been very different, perhaps even easier.

But that's not my way. I can be stubborn like that. I might get that from my Dad who almost singlehandedly rebuilt our burned down house in record time because he believed it could be done. 

He could have taken an easier way but he had a mission and he knew it was possible.

He had an unshakable faith that both worried and astounded family and close friends.

Sometimes life calls for wading through a little mud when we know deeply in our hearts we are called to something great.

A little mud can be a small price to pay for glorious moments.

Years ago when my husband and I made the decision to start a business, leaving behind the comfort of steady salaries, several people made sure we knew there was serious risk involved. "You know most businesses fail in the first year," one well meaning friend generously shared. That first year was lean and challenging but we did not fail and we wouldn't trade the lessons learned working side by side. 

I can remember complaining a bit to my Dad during this time and his advice was "If you're going to do this then you need to wear it on your underwear." I never forgot his advice. And my underwear has never been the same.

Perhaps the mud's no less important than the smooth sailing. A full meaningful life will include some of each.

I am grateful for both.

I want to feel the mud between my toes and the fear of being engulfed and even the threat of being alone on that island. I want to explore new shorelines, witness luminous mornings and sunshine dancing on the water and old fallen trees finding new purpose. For me this is heaven. Shallow water will not stop me.

Sometimes action is called for or shorelines are covered over, the light less brilliant. We must work some to find more depth.

I can be stubborn like this. I sometimes go against the flow and it can be challenging. But mostly it has been worth it, cold muddy feet and all.

Happy Healthy New Year Friends!

Namaste,

Connie

http://www.cbf.org/about-the-bay/10-things-you-didnt-know-about-the-bay

Why This Election May Be Challenging For Us

Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing is a field. I'll meet you there. 

                                                                 --RUMI

As Hilary Clinton delivered her gracious concession speech, I found myself wanting to see a little emotion. She's strong, so so strong. The shots of young women in the audience expressing their sadness spoke volumes about the impact of this election. Maybe there's something here. What is the essence of our cultural response? Here's a little light from my morning meditation.

We evolve through the feminine aspect of our emotions. (This is an over simplification and  my viewpoint. For a more detailed analysis see this link.) When we feel our feelings, really feel them, they remind us that we are alive. Strong feelings can be challenging and enlivening. When we connect with our feelings we are, in a sense, connecting with our deeper essence. So these feelings of fear, disconnection, dislike, anger, desperation are reminders that we are alive. Likewise, the feelings of elation, love, connection and happiness similarly remind us that we are alive. 

We are alive in bodies in space and time. Each soul incarnates in a body to fulfill some destiny. Our soul provides the blueprint for that destiny. When we are in touch with our soul we can connect with our destiny. That is why we should not be disengaged with these feelings that come up around this election. They are feelings that can serve to remind us that we are souls living a human life. Perhaps the feelings we are feeling are pointing us in the direction of our destiny.

These external events (like this election) are always clues to our personal spiritual journeys. What we perceive externally is a reflection of what we are dealing with internally. Here’s an idea. Sit with yourself quietly and just follow your breath. Follow it into the nose through the body and then follow it as you exhale through the nose. Take some long slow deep breaths and just notice the body calming down. Be still. Try this for a minute or so.

Now, let your breathing relax and come back to normal.  Keep the eyes closed and let your awareness be on the experience inside your body. Don’t confuse the experience of your body with your thoughts. Let the thoughts be separate. Simply feel what you feel.  Can you notice the subtle energy that runs through the being you call you? It can be very quiet at first so be patient with yourself if you don't really feel anything. Keep at it. Over time and with practice the you - the true you - will begin to shine through and your experience will be more available with less effort.

So what does all this “soul stuff” have to do with feeling the feelings after this election? Well, I believe that this is our personal and collective opportunity to evolve toward love. We can use this reminder that things are still “off” in our world. We’re still judgmental and biased and flawed.

We are still human. But we are also divine. We still have this more feminine aspect of our emotional selves yet to evolve. Maybe that is what needs to happen before a female president can be elected. Just a thought. 

To evolve toward love we need to acknowledge these feelings of fear, anger and disconnection. We need to recognize them as a call to our deeper wisdom, the wisdom that resides in our souls. Our souls are not related to our skin color or our sex. They are our unique blueprint, designed by God, to live on this planet at this particular time in his/herstory, in a body, where we are meant to feel the feelings. 

Namaste,

Connie

P.S. If you are feeling overwhelmed, please seek guidance from a professional. Know you are not alone, many seem to be feeling the intensity at this time. 

Letting Go - With Gratitude.

November 1st is here and what a month looms ahead! We’ve all had it up to our eyeballs with the election. Finally next week it will be over and we must repair the damage done. There has been damage to our collective psyches. We have been unkind to one another. I have seen it. You have seen it too, I am sure. We are so much better than this. We all just want to live our lives, to love and be loved, to be happy and healthy. We need each other. We can’t let this take us down. We won’t. 

Personally, this has also been a season of loss. My father-in-law passed away and our family came together to celebrate his life in such a beautiful way. He was a great guy and we are all so grateful for his life and love. I have noticed a lot of people have experienced similar losses this Fall. It has been a time of grief and transition. Maybe you have noticed that as the leaves fell from the trees it was just time to let certain things go. Makes sense, but darn, it can it be hard.

In the last days of October I have been brooding a bit about how to move gracefully through this time of transition. Yes I brood. I can brood hard. 

I was brooding so much I was annoying myself so I knew it was time to get moving through it. This morning I woke with the answer - Gratitude.

It seems so simple. I know about gratitude. I have a chapter about it in Back to Happy. Gratitude works to soften the hardest of hearts and the deepest of pain. A daily gratitude practice is just the prescription for this brooding heart.

I awoke this morning with this knowing. This will be a month-long deep study of gratitude. It’s time to get things moving, to create a shift. I know how to do this. We can all do this!

Here’s my prescription. Let’s call it P-cubed:

1. Prayer is first. Everyday I will find a prayer of gratitude. Maybe I will find it in the psalms as today (Psalm 65). Maybe I will find it in poetry.

Maybe I will write it myself. 

2. Practice is next. I will find time every day to meditate (stillness) and practice yoga (movement). I will list five things everyday that I am grateful for and really take time to appreciate each thing listed.

3. And finally, Prevention. To prevent the negativity from creeping back in I will call in the heavy artillery. I will use essential oils. I will get a massage every now and then and practice radical self care. I will exercise daily and eat lots of good fall fruits and vegetables. I will prepare soups for myself and my family. Lastly, I will give back by sharing this gratitude study with my yoga students in class all month long.

And finally, a bonus p, the podcast, Happy Healthy You! I am so excited to share the podcasts this month. First, we have a guest who reminds us to let go of our culture’s dictates about how we are to age. "They" say that midlife is a time of loss and we must accept it. Who are “they” to tell us how we should age anyway? Lets let it go ladies, shall we? Dr. Robi Ludwig has a whole new take on midlife and beyond and it looks really great to me. I am anxious to read her new book Your Best Age is Now.  Next, we have an inspiring guest, Jeff Griffin who is a wheelchair athlete, a Guinness Book of World Records holder, with a story that will blow you away. Although paralyzed, he sets the bar really high for himself and never loses hope. I guarantee he has a gratitude practice.

So that’s the plan. Will you join me? I invite you to grab a journal and jot down your blessings everyday, practice prayer, yoga and a little meditation. Be kind to yourself first and then spread that kindness around. Lord knows we need it now more than ever. We can get through this transition time. We can and we will - together.

Namaste and Love,

Connie